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The Big Sex Talk

By Adesua Ewoigbokhan

Couple smiling on couch with a laptop

Sex is one subject that is hardly talked about in this part of the world. The first time some people ever heard about it, was probably from a movie, advert boards, etc. Talks about sexuality filter into our lives through peer groups and the opposite sex: even at that, this does not invariably change into an easy conversation especially, if it had to do about our desires during the act of love making.
If you must know, talking is an integral part of having good sex. The ability to talk about your wants is fundamental to the skill. If you deliberately ignore this kind of talk, you would have avoided what you might call embarrassing moment and settling for sub-optimal sex. But if you decide to have a talk with your spouse, your relationship will achieve emotional, mental and psychological gains.
Conversing about sex ordinarily, can be embarrassing and uncomfortable; but deciding to talk through this awkward situation is the answer to a successful sex skill. This kind of conversation, actually, helps in creating a good foundation for a successful marriage as it allow you get to know more about each other and experiment with each other’s fantasies.
Talking is an indispensable part of any couple’s sex life, it is a form of foreplay, though you still have to keep some things to yourself in order to achieve the best experience. Sex talk is that form of foreplay comprising pleasure loving sexual expression, that help to drive your spouse wild with words and imagination thus intensifying passion before and during love making. With this, you can stimulate your guy or lady’s senses like in sound, sight and food, most often this sexy talk can act as a way of expressing one’s wants and needs.
In marriages, there are some sex talks you should have that make relationships more fun and satisfying. if you don’t tell your partner your likes, he or she might not know what you want. To think that because they love you, they ought to know is outrageous, as none of you is a mind reader. No two persons are alike and no single formula works for everybody, so be specific.
Most often, you see couples who have been together for years, shying away from the very thought of discussing their sexual preferences. Their sexual disappointment or expectations are no go areas. They do this to avoid suggesting or instructing or giving feedback especially, when a partner hit the right spot. Some don’t even make noise or moan on what pleasures them, they prefer to keep their fantasies close to their hearts.
A number of factors are responsible for the above. Some consider it too personal, awkward while some others are too shy and embarrassed.
As children most of us were not taught sex, even as adults going through marriage counseling class, this topic is still not welcome, even though sex education is now part of primary and secondary school curriculum today. It was not so for most of these couples, as the word sex was seen as a taboo.Note that good sex does not just happen.
If you want to explore, you have to be expressive because if you insist on keeping your sexual fantasies personal, you will be miserable and your marriage will begin to lose its spark. ‘’If you don’t keep your passion alive, it will be hard to be in love over the long haul’’.
If you happened to be one of those couples who never discuss  sex in your marriage because you consider it to be a sensitive topic, you can begin by appreciating one another’s willingness to learn and try new stuff especially during fore play. With this, you have succeeded in setting the ball rolling.
Despite differences about sex, there is absolutely nothing forbidden or harmful, no right or wrong to handle it, even when it is shocking to the other partner. While some couples like to frolic out their fantasies, some others find it weird and undesirable. There is this common knowledge in marriage that couples with time begin to find pleasure in that which they dislike or like. You have to find a meeting point as this might pose as a threat to your relationship if not resolved. A time will come when your sexual preferences and fantasies begin to change, what was once appealing, starts fading. Hence, you have to know your body in order for you to be able to carry your partner along.
Finally, don’t ever get turned off if your partner does not flow with the conversation; having a talk about sex is an important step in getting there. No matter the road blocks you may face, don’t give up, just keep talking with a little patience, both of you will get there. Having a conversation about sex is something you should indulge in regularly. It does not have to be a serious or tough talk every time, let it just be about sharing your sexual thoughts, no exaggeration,  always lighten up when you are on the subject, ‘’Sex is that fun one can ever have without laughing’’.
When it looks as if the talk is becoming heated, just take a step back especially when one party is getting defensive and the other is angry. People feel vulnerable when it has to do with their sexuality.

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