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Good Sex, Good Communication

By Adesuwa Ewoigbokhan

Every spouse is peculiar in nature, what might be enough for one couple might be disappointing for another. There is just one way to take the heat off your love life: that is to have good communication and be straight forward with your man/woman.

Communication is the weapon that holds the connection in marriages together. If it breaks down, the marriage will fall apart. When couples no longer talk, especially as wedlock nurtures no one, it will no longer be marriage. One can say as a matter of fact, that a good intercourse begins with good and frank interaction.
Lovemaking is a style of communication. It is a form of expressing oneself.  But it begins with a conversation. When a couple is able to talk to one another about their deepest and most sincere feelings without fear of rejection, criticism, Judgment or reprisal, it makes them feel good about themselves and the relationship. This feeling is usually like the pathway to a good sex act.
In Hot Monogamy [2012], Patricia Love and Jo Robinson identify several ways that spouses tend to communicate about sex that inhibits good sex. First, they noted that most couples don’t talk about sex, instead they talk around it.

A lot of couples make use of winks, sighs, jibes, jokes, put down, lies and coded words to express their interest in sex while other partners use impersonal overtures. When a partner is not feeling up to it, he or she may say things like, ‘’you need to get some sleep”.  Some couples do not even communicate and allow things to build up. They fail to talk about their unhappiness, for example, that aspect of their sex life that interests or disinterests and that which feels or does not feel good. They may also decide to stay away from those topics that they are not comfortable to talk about, like their inability to achieve orgasm, masturbation, sexual fantasies, HIV, their partner’s hygiene etc. Failure to communicate about issues encircling sexuality, may arise from wanting to avoid hurting their spouse’s feelings or because they feel embarrassed and ashamed s about some aspect of their sexuality.
When they finally decide to have that talk, it may come off as being critical or sarcastic, which can be hurtful.
Some partners are comfortable with each other to the extent that they are open and honest to gist about sex and sexuality. It not only lays the foundation for sexual health and healing, but also for a good sex life. Some other couples however, withhold sex from their partners using instead a tool for blackmail or weapon to demand for needs. It is important to develop what Love and Robinson [2012] describes as sexual fluency.

If you want to stay married and be happy in that marriage, you’ll do everything you can to work on communicating your heart to your spouse and sharing your lives. Make your home that place where he/ she longs to be and where he’s / she’s  most comfortable, so let your love and gentle words of welcome draw his/her heart towards home.
Genuine communication entails respect for your partner as well as agile stamina on your part, these very two skills are fundamental elements to making a relationship work.
Invest time and energy into communication, if one partner is dominating, this effort can be one-sided. Both of you should be involved in the process. Take full responsibility for your talk. Put your energy into the exchange. Make sure that you see the process through. Express your thoughts and feelings fully and encourage your spouse to do the same.

Finally, settle misunderstandings by asking questions and seeking explanation rather than getting angry. It’s only through regular communication that you can realize the joy of love.  Good communication makes love desirable, definitely, makes it better and ultimately, maybe love itself.

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