FINANCIAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE
By Adesuwa Ewoigbokhan
Intimacy in whatever form is totally about two people becoming one. This closeness is said to have reached its climax when couple know and still realized that he or she is fully loved.
The above is also applicable to finance, that is, being able to be true, without shame or secrets when it comes to money. It means being completely cherished by one’s partner not withstanding of one’s financial circumstances. In other words, being intimately connected to your partner means, putting your relationship above finance.
Marriage is not just about emotional commitment, it also means financial commitment. When partners decide to spend the rest of their lives together, they are inevitably agreeing to share in collective expenses, liabilities and windfalls.
It’s unfortunate that full financial disclosure is still seen as a taboo in many homes, especially where the husband makes the big money decisions. Although the woman may be assisting with a significant amount of money, her shared contribution may go unrecognized.
If couples are not able to achieve financial intimacy, this could create an atmosphere of resentment, suspicion and lack of trust. When one of the partners is feeling shut out because it has to do with finances, his/her feelings are certain to spill all over into other areas of the marriage such as sex life. Parenting will be affected on a conscious or subconscious level.
Bad perception does not always go away easily, it can redistribute. As a client puts it, ‘’He expects sex twice at night, but he won’t tell me what our net worth is.’’
The simple truth is that financial intimacy produces equality financially between couples. It does not have to do with trusting, hoping or assuming that your man is doing everything right. It is just for you to be carried along on what your spouse does financially.
Whether recently married, seasoned married partners, ensure you share financial goals as this will help to protect your family’s economic tranquility and sanctity.
If not properly handled, it can become a mood killer, as we know, the number one topic couple disagree over is cash or the absence of it. Money is a perennial source of tension for couples according to Deborah Price, founder of The Money Coaching Institute in Novato, Calif. Price defines Financial Intimacy as “having the ability to meet your wants, needs and desires in a clear and effective way, and to be able to feel completely safe and vulnerable and know that your partner can hold that for you”. Unfortunately, many couples have the exact opposite experience, they feel they have to hide, have to be secretive. They feel unsafe and reticent to be vulnerable at all. This makes marital relationships to disintegrate and also why money issues are one of the main causes of divorce.
In all honesty, money and the tangibility about it, dictates a good deal of what happens in marriage. Wedlock takes two, and true intimacy in a relationship includes, an open book approach to sharing and talking about money. Though this kind of conversation may be strenuous at the initial stage, it is however, necessary. With time, it becomes easier and the couple’s connections are better and stronger for it. Keep in mind that partners who avoid talk on finance openly, may not be able to make sound financial decisions about saving, spending and making sure there is enough cash at the end of the day.
Morally, talk about money should begin long before marriage and must continue all through the period of matrimony. It is almost unthinkable to plan for the future without having these conversations.
Below are some of the reasons why money should matter in marriage;
Just like with sexual matters, finance issues if not properly addressed, can serve as a barometer of other problems in your marital affairs.
As with sex life, negative sentiment about money can be driven by fear or a need for control. Money playing a significant role in your daily life can effortlessly slip into control mode. This can easily drive one partner to try to control the other in financial sphere. Couples must be able to take charge of their finances by working extremely hard.
If spouses see themselves as one being in every war, that will also include money. When husband and wife decide to live separate financial lives, there is a limit on the abundance of intimacy you can enjoy in that relationship. You might end up ruining your unity and closeness in other spheres.
Biblically, money is a priority. The Bible talks more about money than sex. Money is of great importance to God, especially, how you manage and handle money.
Matrimony is heavenly and an amazing journey. It should be taken seriously. This will ensure the longevity and health of your marriage. Take all necessary steps to build a stable, strong financial foundation.
Take an interest, understand, keep an account of the records, ask questions and know that you have the right to all financial information as it affects you both. Secrets in marriage can do harm to your relationship and this also applies to finance.