By Rita Okoye
Amaka Chika-Mbonu is a motivational speaker, writer and author.
She has written books that give men deep insight into the mind of a woman, and give women a voice to speak their heart to their man.
Amaka has been a Christian Marriage Counsellor for over 15 years, and is a certified pre-marital Counsellor. She is passionate about making marriages work.
In this interview, she talks about her latest book, ’49 Ways To Get Rid Of The Other Woman (Without Getting Caught’.
What inspired you to write this new book?
My inspiration comes from the fact that infidelity has become the norm rather than the exception in marriages today. This is evident even in Christendom. A study from Christianity Today; an evangelical Christian periodical, shows that 45 percent of Christians have done something they consider sexually inappropriate, 23 percent have had extra-marital intercourse, and 28 percent have engaged in other forms of extramarital sexual contact.
Notwithstanding, many of us ‘church folk’, sometimes, bury our heads in the sand and pretend it’s not happening unless of course, you’re caught.
The book title is very interesting and oddly, specific. How did you settle on this?
It would seem I have a thing for provocative and intriguing titles. My first book was, How To Get Your Wife To Swing From The Chandelier In A Red Negligée. Watch out for my third book by His grace. The title is quite something.
How long did it take you to write the book?
It took me a little over a year to write it.
What difficulties did you encounter while writing the book?
I’d say one of the major difficulties was trying to make the book relatable, without betraying the many confidences that have been shared with me over the years. I needed to make sure that no one would read the book and say, “Oh, I know who she’s talking about.”
What lessons do you hope people will take away from the book?
I want women all over the world to realise that the painful, heart wrenching, humiliating ordeal of having a third person in your marriage, can be confronted and dealt with if you believe your marriage is worth fighting for. I want women all over the world to realise, and be convicted in their hearts about who and what they are in their marriage, and the power they wield over it, if they are willing to exercise it. My deepest desire is to restore homes and marriages, rid them of anything not planted there by the originator of marriage, wrest power away from any intruder, (even if invited in by the husband, who by the way doesn’t have the legitimate right to do so), and put it back in the hands of the person in whom it should legitimately reside—the wife.
Infidelity has been accepted as norm among men. Do you think there are any truly faithful men?
Yes, infidelity has indeed become the aberrant norm, but I still believe that there are men out there who have the discipline, integrity and self control to be faithful. Faithful to one woman —their legitimate wife; faithful to adhere to the rules of engagement agreed upon when the relationship was embarked upon. It is inequitable to change the rules of engagement mid-game, or in this case mid-marriage.
Are you worried some readers will think you’re gender biased?
Are there any plans to write a book addressing ways to get rid of the other man?
I think I’ll leave that for a man to write. I do however have plans to write a book who’s working title is likely to be: Where did you plant your seed? We’ll see.
Many are losing hope in the institution of marriage because of these issues. What do you think is the way forward?
So true. I think it’s critical that we stop, and start again. Whatever we have been doing isn’t working. Something is so obviously, terribly wrong. The lines have become blurred with regard to what marriage is, and what it most definitely is not. We need to go back to the basics, to what the Being who the idea of marriage originated from says about it, and begin to take it from there. I explored this fully in my game-changing book about relationships, How To Get Your Wife To Swing From The Chandelier In A Red Negligée. A book that gives men deep insight into the mind of women, and women a voice to speak their heart to their man.
What would you say are the most common problems young or newlywed couples face?
Leaving the originator of marriage out of it, unrealistic expectations and a lack of communication. This in turn goes back to what I said before about blurred lines.
How do you suggest they get past these issues?
Educate themselves about marriage prior to even meeting their future life-long husband or wife, and then be sure to enrol in pre-marital classes before they marry. That would be a good start.
What projects are you working on now, and what can we expect from you in the near future?
I’m working on so many things right now. Too many to talk about here. A movie, radio, more books for sure.