By Adesuwa Ewoigbokan
A number of times, you see people shying away from talking about sex, which brings me to the question -can we talk about sex? Yes we can even though some persons will prefer not to.
We take delight in boasting to friends about the great sex we have had or make jokes with them about the crappy sex we once had but will never talk about sex. Whereas on the other hand, it’s a lot easier for one to talk about practically anything under the earth, and provide a platform for stuffs that are not necessarily in the spotlight instead of intercourse as a subject matter.
A huge part of owning your sexuality is by taking care of yourself, in other words, being vocal about things that you feel uneasy about or have the tendency to make you clam up at the mention of sex.
But these conversations are vital to your health and well-being, especially as it enable one to maintain a healthy and satisfying sex life.
Allow yourself to feel comfortable about your sexual desires and if you happen to practice safe love making, give yourself the freedom to explore and enjoy these desires to your satisfaction.
Consider the biological nature of sex- Humans were made to desire, want, have and enjoy sex because it is a biological imperative.
- Recognize Shame-Many people feel uncomfortable talking about sex or being talked to about sex, because shame surrounds this “taboo” topic. Rachel Keller, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, explains that it is totally okay and normal to talk about sex and explore your sexuality before delving into why we might attach shame to sexual experiences. “It is natural and healthy to explore one’s body, starting in childhood and through all stages of life. It is also natural to experience sexual desire and to act on that desire when done in a safe and consensual way. If you feel disgust about your body or sexuality, it may mean that you are carrying shame or judgment that doesn’t belong to you.” Keller goes on to explain that many of her clients can recall being shamed for exploring their bodies when they were children.
- Accept and feel comfortable with sexual desires. It’s important that you guage your level of comfort every step of the way. Sometimes, guilt or the shame mentioned earlier on can get in the way of feeling comfortable with sex. Note that, desire is something you wish or long for because it brings you satisfaction. You’re the only one who knows what makes you feel satisfied/happy/fulfilled. This of course, is true for every area of your life but we often forget or neglect this truth when it comes to our sexuality.
“Women are taught to be sexually appealing but not demanding; to be sexually available but not too hungry, to bring our partners to orgasm but to fake our own pleasure for their benefit and protection. Many of us cannot name our sexual anatomy or describe what those parts long for.’’
Irrespective of the kind of sex you are having or wanting, the best gift you can give yourself is to understand, accept and take charge of your sexuality. Owning your sexiness is a loving, inclusive and essential way of starting the process, so get started and get some pleasures.