By Oluwakemi,
Publisher of lifestyle magazine, Genevieve, Betty Irabor recently took to her Instagram page to talk about the issue of domestic violence in marriages.
Irabor who has been married for over 30 years, looked at the issue from the female point of view but her followers were quick to point out how domestic violence also affect men.
She had titled her post, “#TalkTuesday Marriage by fire by force???
Sometime ago, a young friend of mine found herself in an abusive marriage. Initially, her husband never laid a finger on her, he let his tongue do the job. He called her all sorts of names and lashed out at her with foul words. He would always dare her to pack and go and would always chuckle “let’s see where an old cargo with 3 kids like you will go; who will even look at you?” She did try to leave a couple of times but somewhat, returned to him after he came to ask her back; promising he would be a better husband. Then the circle of abuse will start all over again. One day, however, he went too far when he tried to strangle her for daring to fight back. Bruised and battered, her parents came and took her and the three children away. As they left, the husband jeered shouting; “old cargo, you and your children will soon come back begging, which man will look at you?” But this young lady had had enough and was determined never to return. She braced up to become a breadwinner and joined her sister in her factory. It was while working in this factory that she met a man (he’d never been married) who fell in love with her and married her along with her three children. Old cargo?
So who was chuckling? Women in abusive relationships face a lot of emotional manipulation which stops them from leaving. They are told they are useless and nobody will look at them. On their own, they are afraid of the unknown world ahead. They worry about the judgement of society and the stigma of being single mothers. The result is they “hang in there” until they they become profile pictures and Internet stories of another woman butchered by her husband. Every woman in an abusive relationship needs to realize that being married by fire by force is not what true marriage is about. It is nothing short of self-delusion to manage a bad relationship just to please society. You have to know your worth and believe that you are deserving of more. You are not an old cargo!! There’s life after one bad marriage! Your self-worth is not tied to one bad choice you made in a marriage partner.
Some of the notable comments on the post came from the ex of TV girl, Toke Makinwa, Maje Ayida, who wanted to know what Irabor thought about men in abusive relationship. The comment has since been deleted but not before, it was “screengrabbed” by some fast fingers; but Irabor’s response is still very much up.
The other comment was from actor, David Nnaji , who expressed his true feelings about the abuse meted out to some men in their relationships.
“@bettyirabor @majeayida Many men in our society suffer a lot and most times alone from sometimes already abused or just plain abusive ladies/women. These women aren’t wearing a sign on their forehead and society will almost always blame the man for walking or running away even when it becomes life threatening. Many of these women reject totally the idea of seeing a therapist/psychologist/therapist even with a supportive husband, they hide behind religious “chalartans” usually close friends or family members who speak condemnation and healing to the suffering and managing husband. Society isn’t also forgiving to men who have had enough, they’ll say “he’s not man enough, he never really loved you!” But folks are losing sons to wicked women who usually threaten to spew lies to public for sentiment as “weaker vessels” which sadly never truly leaves a decent man when said. May God help us all.”
Several other followers shared their experiences about abuse in relationships too.
Photo sources:
http://13526-presscdn-0-21.pagely.netdna-cdn.com/
Instagram @bettyirabor