By Adesuwa Ewoigbokhan
Being good in bed is not the same thing as sexual confidence, neither is it equated with having ripped abs or big boobs. It also has nothing to do with having too much sex. At its core, is a feeling of being comfortable in your body, knowing you deserve pleasure, being able to articulate what you enjoy as well as, listening to the needs of your significant other.
Although anyone can be sexually confident, it just takes some work.
When people don’t see their body type represented in mainstream media, it inhibits their ability to feel sexual about their bodies.
Sexual confidence in the bedroom is often something couples must work on and cultivate. Having low confidence can be detrimental to physical intimacy.
On the other hand, powerful sex is very much possible when one feels confident in his/her ability to please his/her spouse sexually and allows oneself to experience sexual pleasures.
The ability to build self-confidence and learn more about the sexual experiences you want to engage in can help increase sexual confidence in the bedroom for better lovemaking.
Sexual intimacy is something almost everyone needs and craves just like we crave food, water, and air. Hence, the lack of confidence in your ability to be “good in bed,” along with unhealthy societal messages about intercourse can affect your sexual intimacy connection.
Here’s how to feel sexual confidence if you are struggling with body image:
Self-Talk
Stuff that you say to yourself can affect your feelings and behaviors. Changing negative self-talk and unhelpful thinking is a great way to increase your happiness and confidence in all spheres of life including, the bedroom matters. So, constantly telling yourself that you aren’t beautiful/handsome or aren’t doing things right will only hinder the way you show up sexually. Moving on, try putting your thoughts on check both inside the bedroom and outside from negative to positive.
Mindfulness
Being mindful in the bedroom is the practice of being present in the moment. It will be difficult to truly enjoy the experience of ruffling the bedsheet if caught up in your world. Practicing being in the moment will help you to be more in touch with your feelings/sensations, as well as that of your lovebird.
Good communication about physical and emotional intimacy has been linked to sexual satisfaction. Couples with good communication usually have better sex.
Get to improve communication lines to enable you to know yourselves and your likes and dislikes better. This will make you feel more empowered and confident.
Be Curious:
Quite a several couples feel a lot of shame and anxiety around sex matters; this blocks openness and hinders couples from trying new stuff and learning more about what turns them on. As such, it’s okay to be curious about your body and sexual experiences to enable you to learn more about what pleases both of you. This will enable you better to speak up in the bedroom and meet your bae/boo’s needs sexually.
Say what you want:
Your partner is not a mind reader; learn how to tell him/her what you want. When you both know what it is that you desire, you will be more assertive in asking for it and more confident within yourself. If you feel uncomfortable talking about it during the romp, you can always have the conversation outside the bedroom.
Moving away from sexual shame:
This may have been handed to us by culture, religion, or even, our parents that, sex is shameful. And this can impair anyone’s ability to feel positive including feeling pleasure or confidence.
There’s a need to pay attention to the negative thoughts/beliefs about sex that arise in our minds and lead to feelings of shame. Identify these unhelpful thoughts, and change them to something more positive, by telling yourself that sex is a natural, God’s gift to mankind and a normal part of human nature and is nothing to be ashamed of.
The place of culture :
Different cultures place the act of sexual intimacy in different lights, thus, giving different messages. Knowing how your own culture has impacted your sexual mindset and practices can help you decide which of the cultural views to imbibe and the ones you want to discard to help you become sex confident.
Accept and love your body:
Especially as one is overwhelmed daily with ideas and images of what being attractive and sexy is all about. This can readily make you develop a poor body image or low confidence if you feel your body is not as good as that of the people in the movies, magazines, or on billboards, etc. Research has also shown that feeling attractive is linked to sexual satisfaction. Accept your body for who you are and embrace your beauty, to make you feel confident in yourself and bed. Note that we are all shaped differently.
Be sure to take care of your well-being and mental health:
Studies show that mental health conditions such as depression or stress can affect the way you feel about sex, plus increasing feelings of inadequacy, which can lead to less sexual satisfaction.
Keep fit by exercising, eating right, getting enough quality sleep, engaging in pleasurable activities, and seek support when needed. All these will be good for your overall health.
You don’t have to be perfect:
Unrealistic expectations of one’s self can damage one’s confidence because the expectations are not achievable. Do away with any thought or expectation that you must be perfect; the same applies to any thought or belief that your spouse expects you to be perfect. A study found out that believing your beloved expects you to be perfect in bed, decreases sexual self-esteem and increases sexual anxiety.
Do what works for you and everyone will be fine.
The act of lovemaking is an avenue for couples to bond and to connect, but low confidence can be a stumbling block. Building up your sex confidence will help get you more sexual satisfaction which will help bring you and your lover closer together and strengthen your overall union.
See a sex therapist if have challenges with implementing the above strategies and making the progress you want on becoming more sexually confident in bed.