Sexsomnia is a subconscious sexual behaviour also known as sex sleep or somnosexuality; a rare sleep disorder that affects some individuals most especially men.
This behaviour can be quite challenging in marriages/relationships because it might lead to the following:
*Unwanted sexual encounters
*Confusion and shame
*Feeling of betrayal/hurt
*Difficulty communicating about the problem
*Strain on intimacy and trust.
Sexsomnia is considered a parasomnia, a sleep disorder related to abnormal movements. Though there are different types of parasomnia such as sleepwalking, talking in your sleep, bed wetting, teeth grinding, and even night terrors to mention a few, just as with other parasomnia, sexsomniacs do not remember the unusual sensations or behaviours while asleep.
Here are some sexual activities sufferers engage when sleeping: sexual vocalizations/masturbation/fondling/sex/attempted intercourse/sexually harassing their partners unaware, and unable to control themselves.
The uncomfortable part is that he/she usually does not recall any of these behaviours ever occurring once they wake up: making these events particularly troubling for lovers, spouses and those around them.
Sex sleep occurs during non-rapid eye movement (NREM); sleep that’s not related to dreaming.
These sessions can occur unexpectedly and are oftentimes, isolated from one another, and symptoms may also go unnoticed. The disorder undiagnosed, if the sufferer lives alone and with no one witnessing these events, the person affected may not even realize it’s happening. When faced with the accusation of their behaviors the night before, they become defensive and enter a state of denial. This can put a strain on intimate unions.
It can be extremely embarrassing and distressing for both the sufferers and their lovers.
It can also co-happen alongside other sleep disorders like bedwetting, sleepwalking and may be triggered by; stress/anxiety/sleep deprivation/excessive intake of alcohol/poor sleep hygiene or use of sleeping tablets. Treatments that improve the quality of sleep might be useful in reducing the incidence of acts. One of such is the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) used for insomnia. It can help improve your mood and sleep which in turn can reduce the level of stress, anxiety and depression.
In extreme situations, sexsomnia has lead to accusations of sexual assault including rape.
Another vital way of treating sexsomnia is to create a safe environment for the patients. Start by sleeping in a separate room, avoid sleeping around strangers or minors, lock the doors, set movement alarms that stop them from exiting the room or impeding on their housemates’ personal space, put a camera in the bedroom to monitor your sleep pattern and behaviours, document when they happen, including the date/time and the day’s events leading up to that night.
This is easiest if you have a sleep mate to inform you of your acts.
While the side effects of sex sleep include another person fondling/initiating intercourse or sexual harassment, it is important to put safety measures in place in the best interest of both the sexsomniac and others.
Adopt a healthy sleep routine that makes you go to bed at the same time each day. Performing relaxing behaviours before sleeping can help calm your mind and body; practices such as, taking warm bath, reading, meditation, avoid use of digital devices before bed and keep the room at a cool temperature to create a comfortable bedroom environment that promotes better sleep, can help reduce the number of outbursts.
Addressing sexsomnia requires empathy, understanding, support, open dialogue, establish boundaries and consent, and it’s essential to seek professional help to navigate the sensitive challenge in your union.
Adjustments in your lifestyle and a healthier sleep habits can play a major improvement in both your sleep patterns and quality of life.