By Dr. Gbonjubola Abiri
“Am I a Narcissist Dr. G?” She asked me appearing confused and rather tense. She explained that she had spent the last few months in distress as she tried to google the symptoms.
She started paying more attention to her conversations and interactions to see if at any point in time she had appeared ‘self-serving’ or ‘self-focused’. She recounted that a recent break-up where her partner accused her of being an ‘unrepentant narcissist’ brought everything to a head.
“Dr, I don’t want to be labeled a narcissist. But what if there is something going on and I do not know?”
The word ‘narcissist’ has over the years been used rather loosely and appears to be at the centre of the confusion. It is one of the most misused mental health words of the decade as in a world of quick labels, pop-psychology terms and quick social-media diagnosis, people misunderstand even normal emotional reactions. It is thus important to distinguish the narcissistic personality disorder, NPD, from the casual use of the label.
We must appreciate that as humans, we have our moments of pride, defensiveness, a need for admiration and self-focus. These traits, even though they may appear self-directed do not automatically make someone a narcissist. NPD is recognised as having a long-standing pattern of behaviour that affects relationships, work and emotional functioning. Some features of NPD include:
- Difficulty tolerating criticism
- Lack of empathy for the feelings or needs of others
- Fragile self-esteem concealed under confidence or charm
- A tendency to exploit and manipulate others
- A need for excessive admiration
- A grandiose sense of self-importance
- Pre-occupation with success, beauty or brilliance
People who are afraid they may be narcissists are probably not as those who have NPD are rarely likely to consider therapy. This is because those with the disorder are unlikely to perceive themselves as the problem. For those who are wrongly labeled, it hurts because they feel it is a form of moral judgement and not a clinical diagnosis. Narcissistic patterns are deeply rooted in childhood and may be traced to early childhood experiences of emotional neglect, inconsistent affection or learning which made it seem worth was dependent on perfection, performance and achievement.
NPD can be managed with the right support. A thorough clinical assessment which will include a personality profile, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, emotional regulation skills and learning the roles of boundary setting both for the person with NPD and those in relationships with them is necessary.
Remember there is no health without mental health.