By Dr. Gbonjubola Abiri

I recall a few years ago, we lost a neighbour and family friend just before Christmas. It was sudden and difficult as this family had always been a part of our celebrations. That year was different as there was silence. I remember my parents sitting us down and explaining calmly but firmly, that we wouldn’t be lighting firecrackers or playing loud music.

While at the time it felt like a little sacrifice, the next few years helped me understand the weight of that decision. In the words of my parents, “our joy shouldn’t be someone else’s pain, as this is a season for kindness, as much as for celebration”.
The holiday season is often a time of joy, cheer and laughter. While the streets and buildings light up, our hearts also come alive as family, friends and loved ones all converge to spend time and celebrate the season together. Unfortunately however, some families will be dealing with the loss of a loved one. Some others may have the wounds of previous loss around this period reopened. Grief does have a way of becoming louder during the holidays as you watch others celebrate, you may also be reminded of your own harsh reality.
In seasons of celebration where a spouse, parent, child, sibling or a loved one whose presence defined the season is no longer alive, life may feel incredibly cruel as nothing prepares you for how painful grief can be.
Grief may show up as sudden tears, tightness in the chest, poor sleep, a lack of appetite, persistent low mood, feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. For everyone however, while the reactions may be different, one thing rings true, a significant loss has happened.
Here are a few things to understand about grief and how to support a grieving person during the holidays:

• It is a natural response to a loss
• It is not a failure of healing
• It doesn’t have or work with a timeline
• There is no single right way to grieve
• Moments of joy or relief do not mean you didn’t love the person
• Support matters, but it must be the right kind.
  Support a loved one during this season does not have to be about the perfect words or grand gestures. It is about knowing when to soften our joy, so that others can survive their sorrow. If you are grieving, know that you are not alone in this season and that you may need the support of friends, families, loved ones and even mental health professionals to lighten the burden of the loss.
  Remember, there is no health without mental health.