By Adetunji Fatimah Tiwalade

 

From the young girl deprived of education, to the one forced into an early marriage, to the one five years into a marriage but still hit every now and then, to the one being replaced by another due to her “inability to bear children”, to the one ignored because she is too shut out to speak out her mind.

To the one who speaks out but isn’t heard, to the one who is heard, to the one who hustles, to the one who gets exposed, to the one who makes it, to the one who becomes president.

It’s crazy in a woman’s world, we have zero idea. There’s the pressure from society, family and most importantly herself. An average woman has infinity issues and they start from before she is a woman then grow right into her womanhood.

Insecurities; how do I look when I wear this or that? What does he think of me? What do they think of me? What do I think of me?  I think I’m fat or at least that’s what they say about me. It’s not a lie because the mirror says the same.

Do you think it would be better if no one mentioned the obvious? Maybe, maybe not. Body shaming, that is what the English man would call it. in this world it’s safe to say no one actually cares what it does to us, it’s just all humor to them. But the fat girl has feelings, the fat girl gets hurt. What do I think of me? Skinny and not in the model type of way.

That would have been a compensation. “why don’t you eat well? How about this supplement?” that’s all I get and trust me it gets tiring. But little did they know. Only if they knew, that the skinny girl has feelings and the skinny girl does get hurt. Why should it matter what she looks like? If she is a size 10 or 16? Every woman matter, whatever her size, shape, height or skin color.

Abuse; there are literally levels to it and it gets deep too. Female genital mutilation or in the lay man’s English circumcision of young women.

This is most popular in African and has been for as long as we can imagine. Let’s put aside the pain which is very unbelievable, there is the emotional and psychological trauma which constitutes 99.9% of the pain behind every abuse.

Physical abuse, you beat the young, beat the teenager, beat the wife. For what? She didn’t do the chores, talked to a boy, didn’t prepare the meal right when you were starving, talked back at you, rolled her eyes. I ask again, for what? You beat her till she bleeds, she tells on you and you beat her again then you swear that you love her but you don’t because that isn’t love.

Rape, does it really matter what she was wearing or where she was or who she was talking or what she was doing because even the young ones get raped. You leave them with a neighbor, their uncle, a cousin, a family friend.

He tells her not to speak, if she does she’ll die, if she talks she will be seen as filthy. Even when she speaks all she gets are eyes to look at her and fingers pointed. The trauma and stigma of all these know no bound. The women they give rise to are incomplete, scarred for life with no one to truly understand their tales.

Career; she wants to be a doctor, a nurse, a lawyer, an engineer, a banker, a scientist, a chef. You don’t give her a shot at education because she’ll end up in a man’s kitchen. You don’t give her a chance because that’s not a job for women. But where is it defined that a woman must end in a man’s kitchen. We must admit that the opportunities for certain careers are not given and it starts from the lack of education.

She craves for the knowledge; she works hard towards it but still you pull her back even her fellow woman. In your defense, you were brought up that way too. But you see my dear, the world is evolving and we need more educated mothers, sisters, aunties, nieces. Oh the joy it would bring to their faces. Let’s step up and put a smile on their faces.

Marriage; believe you me there are many struggles in the life of a married woman you wonder why certain people rush into it. you can’t actually blame a few of them.

The pressure from parents with the usual “we want grandkids”. Some even get into it from a young age, married off to a rich man mostly older. Well one less mouth to feed it is, but the pain stays with her and even more if she never gets out of it.

Bears children at a very young age, forced into womanhood so early. One can only imagine such pain and difficulty.

The worst of marriages are the abusive ones. You beat her because she has male friends or she didn’t cook early. If she tries to tell you beat her some more and tell her you love her or tell her she has nowhere to run to. Her would sure not want to receive her back.

Your mother treats her like nothing because she hasn’t had kids yet. These women have minds of their own and feel pain and should be treated as humanly as humanly can get. But there are beautiful marriages with the women loved like no one could have ever thought. The hurt ones envy so give them love, true love.

Gender equality; now I’m not here with the whole twitter feminism bants. Women actually need to be treated equally. You can’t do this or do that, oh why? Because she is a woman and it’s for men only.

She wants to ride a truck, she wants to grow crops, she wants to fix your car engines, she wants to fly a plane, she wants to build a house, she wants to make laws, she wants to put out fire in your houses, she wants to fix your clogged pipe, she want to invent stuff, she wants to walk on the moon, she wants to be president.

And no she doesn’t just want to have a man and not provide financially, she doesn’t want to just cook all day, she doesn’t want to just bear and take care of kids. Why don’t we give her a voice, why don’t we let her pay bills she can afford, if and when she can afford them. They deserve this as long as they affirm to it, because they are as human as you are.

I’m guessing by now I’ve successfully taken you on a ride inside the not so tiny mind of a woman. So next time before you judge, hit, silence, condemn, abuse, think real hard about it “if it were me, would I enjoy it?”

“A woman is like a plant, she deserves to grow, bear fruits, beautify with flowers and blossom in the best and most peaceful of ways”