By Adesuwa Ewoigbokhan

In recent years, Nigerian families have grappled with a peculiar trend: omugwo (a term used in describing mothers-in-law who travel, usually abroad, to provide care when their grandchild is born).

Although this has been an age-long practice among Nigerian families, the interesting aspect of this practice right now is that, some of these mothers get into these foreign countries and refuse to return, opting to start a new life in the new country abroad.

But what is behind this shift, and what does it mean for families back home? Causes of this abandonment stem from some complex factors. Key drivers include the following:

Greed for a “soft life” abroad: The allure of comfort, financial stability, and a perceived better lifestyle in foreign countries is a major pull. With remittances flowing in and access to better amenities, the “soft life” can be enticing, especially if contrasted with economic challenges back home.

Lack of appreciation/emotional fulfillment at home: Many of these women feel unappreciated, unloved, or taken for granted by their husbands and families back home. Over time, this emotional void can make foreign validation more attractive.

Foreign validation boosting self-esteem: Attention and compliments from foreigners can be a powerful ego boost, especially if lacking at home. Dressing up, being cared for, and feeling desired again can be a heady mix.

Escape from domestic challenges/violence: For some, going abroad is an escape from emotional abuse, domestic violence, or unhappy marriages. The “omugwo” trip becomes a path to freedom or reprieve.

The consequences of this trend can be sever, as it can impact family beyond their wildest imagination. For instance:

-Family breakdowns: Husbands are left heartbroken, often suffering mental breakdowns or even death. The sudden abandonment can be traumatic.

-Strained relationships: Ties between children and their parents (the “omugwo“‘s children) can be damaged. Grandchildren may lose connection with their Nigerian heritage.

Addressing this issue requires multifaceted approaches:

Emotional fulfillment at home: Husbands should prioritise appreciating, valuing, and caring for their wives. Relearn on how to compliment and communicate through marital issues. Small gestures and words of affirmation can go a long way.

Joint omugwo trips: Grandma and Grandpa should consider going together for the omugwo, even for shorter stays, to maintain family bonds. This can help balance the experience and keep ties strong.

Counseling/support systems: Professional help for both parties can address underlying issues, improve communication, and prevent breakdowns.

New Insight:

The omugwo dilemma also calls for Nigerian society to reevaluate how we value and support aging women. Are we creating systems for their emotional and social fulfillment, or leaving them vulnerable to external allurement?