Beware of women and their false advertisementNo Case Matched!
By Rita Chioma
While some Nigerians are lamenting and cursing the present administration over the poor economic situation of the country, there is something else men need to worry about – like seriously!
Just as the price of everything in the market has increased, the rate at which women deceive men these days is also on the hike and a thing to worry about.
Come’ on guys, have you ever experienced this at any point of your life? You find a very gorgeous, full figured, 5.11 feet plus lady. She is coffee brown complexion or maybe fair like a river goddess, with long flowing hair, ruby red lips, sparkling eyes, sexy and curvy hips, then you take her home with pride only to wake up with a flat- chested, short chick who is equally as black as charcoal, bald, chapped-lipped with crossed eyes and stilettos off.
Please, tell me what will you do in such situation? But why? Why? Why in the name of humanity do we ladies do this to men? Deceiving them to believe we are what we are not!
This is called false advertisement and justice should be done! Let your man like, love and accept you for who you really are and not a fake personality with curvy figures.
Let’s start with the bleaching. Do the women who seek to turn from Nkechi, Sukura, Amina to Nikky Minaj, Beyonce, or Britney, realize that they eventually have to continue ‘washing’ their skin surface until their skeletons start showing?
I have also confirmed that you can’t actually bleach your butts, so why bother? Your lover or boyfriend would still notice it during the romantic interlude.
The difference between your light body and dark buttocks will be like burnt yam and fried plantain, then how would you explain that to him? Blame your underwear for refusing to bleach your bottom? Why can’t you just be black and proud?
Then, there comes the padded bra. My dear ladies, do you know how annoying it is for a guy to remove a bra with high hopes to see two pointed pawpaw or at least rounded oranges but instead he sees a dry chest with some hair sprouting indiscriminately around?
The poor man might have stared at your tempting ‘padded’ chest all day in cold sweat, conjuring up all manners of filthy thoughts. And then ‘Bingo’…the Bra is off and no boobs to fold and fondle. Just imagine the look he will give you the ‘morning after’.
The worse is this new body magic that has become so rampant. Amongst them all, the padded pants. How can a full African woman use her hard-earned money to buy such an item? Any time she sits down, she would simply bounce like table tennis.
The butts would deflate eventually, wouldn’t it? Because it can’t be permanent in your butts.
So, if you see a woman with a surprising massive bumper ‘backyard’, be suspicious and get ready to dodge before she deflates and bomb you in the process. Yes oh! She might deflate because of the intense sun we have been experiencing these past few days.
The weirdest one is the belt that makes women look slim. For crying out loud, there are other ways to get slim without the magic belt.
If your man truly loves you, it doesn’t matter if you are plus-sized. If he wants to encourage you to be healthy, he can simply make you run from Ogba to Lekki Phase One, every morning to get his desired figure. Goodluck with that.
Please, to whom it may concern, I honestly think coloured contact lenses should be banned. How can a black woman have green or purples eyes? My dear people, that is witchcraft because it is not sexy anymore.
That alone could scare real men away from you. All a man can do is just to keep staring at your eyes and silently praying you don’t transform into a cat or some weird creatures. Any man, who dares take you home, will have to turn on the lights during any romantic venture, just to make sure you don’t develop claws. Men don dey fear for their lives oh!
Over-the-top-make-up too is another issue. You see women without eyebrows suddenly developing bushy brows. Hmmm! Not to mention that they add eyelashes that look like palm fronds and as they blink, you can actually feel a faint breeze emanating from the eye area.
Then there is foundation. Foundation to what? To build a three-story building on your face. You keep adding and adding lots of chemical to your face, until you turn to ‘Adamma masquerade’ or Ojuju Calabar’.
What about the colour riot lipsticks? I have even seen green and blue lipsticks all on this same lips.
You will see a beautiful fair lady with dark legs, multi-coloured face, green nails, and mammy-water hair, come’ on what are you selling? Why not be your real self and see how men will rush you like Akara-balls fried by an American woman.
I don’t condemn makeup or skincare but please, remember to be a true black African woman with pride and virtues and see how well you will be appreciated!
Feel free to share some of your own experiences with us.