How to happily move on after a crashed marriage
Most often, couples are bent on keeping their wedding vows of ‘’ l do ‘’ by all means; unfortunately, not all of these marriages get to have a happy ending.
Marriages are naturally made to be enjoyed and not to be endured. If you are enduring, then, it is time to step aside.
This can be in form of seeking professional help, or separating from your spouse. If either of these does not work, then, it is time for divorce. The end of every marital life can be difficult, that you would not want to go through it alone.
Dissolution of marriage happens every now and then. It’s really not impossible for couples to find closure and move on. As licensed psychotherapist, Tina Gilbertson writes in Psychology. ‘’ Today, going through a divorce tends to hit our self esteem the hardest. So, regardless of the reasons that pushed you and your partner to call it quits, there are ways to heal your heart; to move on after divorce on your terms.’’
You are definitely going to feel sad, angry, mixed emotions, sometimes happy; especially, if it had to do with violence: but at the end of the day, it is for your own good. Get to find the silver lining in everything.
Recovering from a martial break up is always stressful and difficult, irrespective of who ended the marriage.
The future can look bleak, depressing and frightening. Life goes on, as a number of people who moved on, ended up having happy and fulfilling lives after the break up.
Here are some of the things you can focus on during the recovery period. It may feel overwhelming, but you need to concentrate on yourself as a person, taking decisions on what you need to help you let go of the past, while looking forward to the future.
Simply let go; unless, there is still something about your partner attached to you.
Bitterness caused by your ex-spouse is going to be very difficult to let go. Even at that, you have got to let go. Holding on to the past does not make you see the good things ahead of you.
Indulge in a new hobby, this is actually the only one distraction you need to get past divorce.
The pain of going through the days and nights alone without anyone to chat with, that agony of waking up to no one by your side, the only way out of this pain is to get a distraction.
By this I mean, you can take music, dance classes, make weaves, opt for things that will keep you busy, and keep your mind off your ex-partner.
Be sure to cut off all forms of communications.
Getting out of unhealthy and marital crisis, there is the possibilities that your ex-mate might want to play mind games with you. The easiest way out of this emotional trap is to totally end all kinds of communication.
Block them off your social handlers accounts, delete their mails and chats, avoid running into them in public since you might get intimated to stir up something again. You do not need this at this point.
The above might sound harsh, but cutting off all ties of communicating is the best way for both of you to really heal. This enables you to dwell on your own individual needs and the anguish process without getting drawn to quarrels, jealousy or chaotic conversations.
Take time to grieve your loss, as divorce can be compared to losing a loved one to death. Literally, break up in marriage means, your ex- partner no longer exist in your life anymore. So when you lose someone, you experience some sort of grief and you will need to grieve.
Forgive yourself by trying not to beat yourself up.
The world will always do that for you. Learn to create little victories for yourself and build on them. Plan to aim for one thing each day that can show progress in a particular area of your life.
In case there are children from the wedlock, then you have to remember to keep your relationship with your ex-spouse civil. You owe your children the responsibility to make sure their relationship with both parents is warm and loving. Remember their lives were changed without their consent.
Never you talk ill or negatively about your ex. Even if you had a toxic relationship with your former partner, avoid speaking dirty about him/her around your kids. This could end up straining your relationship with your children or worse, damage their emotional health.
Do know that marital breakup will also affect your friendships. Friends will definitely, take sides and this will hurt badly. However, though those who are true will be there to listen, and will be there forever.
Seek help if necessary, you can consider seeing a mental health professional or a therapist who will help navigate and process your feelings in a constructive way.
Give attention to what you have and what you can control, note that you paralyze yourself by focusing on the stuff you cannot have or cannot do.
Work on understanding yourself before trying to get involved with a new partner.
You have permission to slip; to have temporary adult relationships to soothe your soul, but never introduce romantic adults to your children except the affair is serious.
Join a gym to break a sweat, exercise raises serotonin in your brain and it helps to fight depression. Get to practice self care and sign up for your favourite workout of choice.
Do not neglect other relationships in your life. Push yourself to stay involved with other people and socialize for business and pleasure. Find out the dreamiest vacation sites for single travelers.
It is very easy you to find excuses why you cannot seem to move on. Still feeling down, right under your nose life plan turned out to be written in disappearing ink. Yes it may be possible your ex cheated, stealing your ability to trust. Maybe your bank account is in red, all of your energy has to go into replenishing it.
You might have even endured domestic violence and series of court battles that wounded you and the kids as you get to adjust to a life of a single parent or a sole breadwinner.
Regardless of your circumstance, it is important not to try to recreate what you had before. Things may be different but it does not mean that it is terrible. Instead, of fighting against change, learn to be thankful and appreciate those hidden gifts within you.
The binding holding you back are the excuses that are cooked up by your own mind, they only keep you bound if you allow them.
Moving on happens when you decide to take responsibility for what occur. In as much as there are some things you don’t simply seem to get over, it does not mean you have to let them draw you backward.
Accept the reality and embrace the future. There will always be set backs. The only way to move forward is to take one step at a time.