All marriages are never the same. Science has finally discovered a way to categorize attributes of marriage into boundaries.

These boundaries include the following : personal space and physical touch, feelings and its expressions, positive conversation, being open with one another, regular communication and unhindered sex.

Marital bliss usually begins with a huge celebration with family and close friends. Couples are full with high hope and wide dreams for their future life together, even when the road to a happy matrimony is dotted with rough patches and far from being easy.

At present, separation and divorce statistics demonstrates it too well, making a number of partners opt out of the matrimonial journey. It’s very easy to blame the high rate of relationship failure on stuffs like, lack of quality with your spouse, allowing bitterness and hatred to build in your hearts and failing to keep communicating lines open. There is really no one book, articles/article/seminar or retreat that will tell you how to improve your marriage, and many other areas of your affairs.

Quality time, forgiveness and communication are very vital in creating a happy home; but when these are lacking, it is a sign of a much deeper problem. Not until these are addressed, no amount of external behavior modification will work. This brings us to the topic –

Types Of Married Couples.

According to a study spanning over a decade, conducted by James Murray, a Professor at the University of Oxford, there are five types of married couples, two of which will survive the test of time, two of which are unstable and might end in divorce, with one in the middle that is volatile and unpredictable.

First is the validating stable couple: This is the best with a history of success rate. Partners here validate and are calm towards each other in a relaxed way. They prefer to care deeply for each other, and indulge in actions to express this, instead of putting each other down emotionally. They also seek to create shared experiences rather than seeking individuality. Although, they may spend time apart and go after their separate hobbies, but at the root of their relationship, is a prioritizing of life, well being, health and joy of the husband and wife togetherness rather than the individual. They are often seen as lovebirds that always hold hands and uses endearments irrespective of their ages.

Conflict Avoiders is the second kind of married couples. This union is also stable in maintaining their marital life. Based on research, couples in this group do their best to avoid confrontation and conflict as they respond to their spouse with positive ideas and emotions. They believe if you don’t talk about negative issues, they will simply vanish, even when it is necessary for them to face their marital fears. They do things apart and don’t seem to prioritize shared experiences. Ultimately, these pairs are committed to staying together for better or worse, this is not due to the internal deep connection for one another but, it is rather based on external influence from families, religion and wealth. Not romantic, though at times they pretend to be. In any case, they stay together for something such as obligation or guilt other than each other.

Thirdly is the Volatile type of couples. This is in between, which by its nature shows sign of instability. Couples here are very uncertain and are like microwaves, very emotional. Their emotions whether positive or negative, readily get heated up and just as quickly cool off. They can be profusely romantic and passionate, having intense emotional and sexual hangouts, and as quickly getting in to loud arguments that can also lead to divorce. They tend to record more unhappy moments than happy ones, constantly moving between anger, fights and disappointments to making up and making out, and then again, finding a way back to the negative end of spectrum. Very unpredictable set of couples, their chances of staying together can depend on a number of reasons, from opportunities for alternatives partners, to religious views, financial stability which is often visible for what they are and too emotionally driven to be able to aptly hide their feelings.

The Hostile couple is next in line; very unstable team and is quite similar to the conflict- avoiding type discussed above. However, there is a marked difference. Hostile couples will avoid speaking positive things, neglect to get rid of negative emotions, and will prefer to allow issues simmer. This often take the form of a conflict that beget hatred, with one partner refusing to talk about it, and the other just agree. This leads to a cold war that breed bitterness, and allows it to culminate in their heart, refusing to deal with it. Hardly do they ever experience loud and angry arguments. Instead, they grow and nourish something even more frightening, a cold indifference. They simply avoid each other, living very quiet, closed off and distant lives, and they are not happily married.

Lastly is the Hostile Detached one. This particular type of lovebirds is by far the worst combination. Always locked in a continuous war without a clear winner, frustrated with each other most of the time, and cannot seem to find a way out of the on-going conflict.

 

According to Murray’s research, this type of pair usually contains one partner who is fiery, wants to argue and fight, while the other spouse who is a hostile avoider, not caring enough to discuss the issues.

The main difference between the regular hostile couple above and the hostile-detached is that, in addition to the hostility and inability for the two to openly discuss conflicts and deep issues of the heart, there are also two radically different personalities involved that culminate into fights. This couple builds deep emotional scars in at least one mate and has tendency to divorce on the long run.

Having read the above; kindly ask yourself what category of married couple you are. Which will you want to be? Think about the characteristics of each type of marriage, and see if you recognize how you and your husband/wife interact.

If you are single, be aware of the different kinds of relationships, and do not make commitment of getting married if both of you are not willing to live as the first couple.