By Adesuwa Ewoigbokhan

The difference is very clear when it has to do with partners’ preferences in the activities of “the other room”.

Sex: Light on or off?

Spouses differ in the kind of bedroom ambience they want. Some persons may want the fan on or a particular playlist to play in the background, the same goes for light too.

There is always common concern among a lot of ladies whether to switch off the light or not.

It’s possible in the past that some derogatory remark was made about their appearance that has now caused a lack of self confidence. So now, the lights will have to be switched off to hide the imperfection that they perceive about themselves due to somebody’s utterance.

• You are definitely not alone if you like making out with the lights on. A survey conducted by Energy Supplier Boost, reveals that seven in ten people usually choose to turn off the lights when getting intimate with a lover. Why? Mainly because they’re not as comfortable under bright lights, and feel less self-conscious in the dark. “Many people require delicate, precise touches in pretty specific hot spots in order to optimize their pleasure and likelihood of orgasm,” Sex educator Alix Fox says. “If you’re fumbling and bumbling about clumsily in the dark, you’re less likely to get that correct, and sex may well be less satisfying for them as a result. Do it in the dark and you’ll remain in the dark about your partner’s preference.”

• It is really safer to leave the light on as there are so many common mistakes couples make while using condoms, “If you’re using condoms to protect against STIs or unplanned pregnancy, you need to check there are no nicks in the rubber or air bubbles trapped in the teat, which can cause bursting. With internal condoms (aka femidoms), which essentially act as ‘vagina liners’, it’s vital to see that during penetration, the male organ goes inside them rather than accidentally sliding down the side, or all the superior barrier protection they offer is lost.”

*Allowing the lights on can actually protect you from sex injuries. Many of the sex injuries that happen are as a result of oversights made due to lack of sight – picking up hand sanitizer instead of a lubricant. To avoid accidentally knocking anyone out, keep those lights bright.

*Keeping the lights on will help strengthen your bond. “Eye contact makes you more connected”bthis may sound cliche but “Being able to gaze into your lover’s eyes can deepen your bond,” Alex says. “It can make the experience feel more personal and loving – less like two random bodies blindly shoving. Sex therapists oftentimes recommend spending five minutes just looking into each other’s eyes, and breathing together as an exercise to help you feel calmer, fully focused, and more in touch with one another before you get physical.”

Psychosexual therapist Kate Moyle says, ‘If you find it difficult to stay in the moment and often find yourself distracted during sex, use the five senses to ground yourself. First, focus on something erotic that you can see; then in turn, hone in on a taste, a smell, a sound and a touch. This will help you pay full attention to the sensations you’re experiencing right now, and tune out from unhelpful busy or intrusive thoughts’.”

• Use each other’s faces to see how you’re doing. “Being able to see facial expressions offers important sexual feedback. Is your partner grinning, opening their mouth to gasp in delight, screwing up their features in ecstasy and concentration as they near climax? Or are they wincing, frowning, looking nervy, or uncomfy? Or loading up the Uber app to see how fast they and their cervix can escape in a Honda Civic? “If you can’t see their face, it’s harder to read how they’re feeling and what they’re thinking. Plus, you can’t tell whether they might appreciate a new position, some reassurance or encouragement, or to take a break.”

Body positivity can be promoted: for some spouses the idea of being fully naked under a bright light can be a bit scary. Putting the lights on while getting intimate might initially seem incredibly intimidating if you are not sexually confident about your body. One percent of the Boost survey respondents said they felt less self-conscious in the dark. Despite the fact that you may have some hang ups about undressing without the lights off, the chances are that your significant other will deeply appreciate the preview or full show. It might surprise you that they won’t focus on the so-called ‘flaws’ you perceive your body to have. It’s a pity we rarely see ourselves as admiringly as others do.

TO BE CONTINUED…