HOW TO ACHIEVE SEX BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE
Generally, boundaries are a major part of every healthy union including sexual relationships.
These are limits that couples usually set for themselves in terms of what’s acceptable and not acceptable, with regards to how it affects them.
Boundaries help to protect one’s personal sense of individuality and sense of ‘self’ in order not to get overwhelmed by the demands and expectations of others. You, having a sense of who you are as an independent person with freedom/responsibilities, and boundary is very fundamental to being in a healthy relationship. This is a compulsory credential in marriage; to be a whole, complete person in order to engage in a mutually interdependent union with your significant other.
Boundaries help protect your physical, mental and emotional well-being, by communicating our expectations of what you want and need from your lover.
Oftentimes, couples hardly set boundaries in intimate unions because they feel they don’t need it; forgetting the fact that, this is actually when it’s needed most especially when it comes to the other room matters.
The simple truth Is that these limits are very vital but become more important when it has to do with lovers’ sexual and intimate needs and desires.
A number of spouses usually fall into the trap of thinking they automatically know what their partner is comfortable and not comfortable with especially in the other room.
You will always be more intimate with your partner than anyone else because, you’re committed to each other for life. So, you must constantly and continually speak up on what you are comfortable with under the covers even, if you’ve been copulating for years.
Which brings us to the question of: what are sex boundaries?
Sex boundaries are those lines that one draws around his/her sexual behaviour; what is okay for you to indulge in and with whom. They are the guidelines you can use to decide how far you want to go, and what kind of sexual activities feel safe and comfortable for you.
It is of great importance to set sexual boundaries in marriage when indulging in intercourse. It is also important to know what you and your lover are comfortable with doing. The role of sexual boundaries in marriage cannot be over emphasized as they are meant to protect spouses, same goes for sexually active matured singles.
A lot of times, people fall under the assumption that the closer you get to someone, the less your boundaries matter. This is not true They presume boundaries are safety mechanism so they don’t have to stress about them when with a lover.
Setting boundaries in sex matter should be a priority in one’s sexual union. It will make the experience more enjoyable for you and your partner.
Having a conversation about your preferences and limits with your significant other will bring you both closer, happier at the same time, allow you to be more present during intimate moments.
Here are a few sexual limits examples to help set sex boundaries:
- No exposing of your private parts to anyone, including someone you are married to or dating.
- No masturbating in front of your spouse
- Not being intimate with someone unless both of you are comfortable with that.
- Respecting one another decision not to have sex and not making unwanted sexual advances.
- Not engaging in any sexual activity with someone who does not want to be sexually active with you (for those dating).
- No sexual activity with a lover who is very intoxicated/drunk or under the influence of drugs.
- No engaging in sex with a partner that has a sexually transmitted disease or on birth control.
- No touching sexually without your consent and no penetration without protection like condoms.
- Avoiding anything that makes you feel uncomfortable even if that activity might otherwise be considered normal by other people.
Here is how to explore sexual boundaries with your lover during conversation:
First understand your own desires- Ask yourself what you like/dislike, your best/worse sexual encounters in the bedroom. People have sexual activities they enjoy and are comfortable with, be willing to share with your spouse because the more your know about your desires, the more likely he/she will include them as a regular part of your sexual life.
Make sure you’re direct and clear about your wants, what you will and will not engage in.
In order not to hurt your spouse’s feelings, try leading with a positive attitude; for instance, you can say “I love when you do this but I don’t enjoy it when you do that.”
Get to discuss what you are willing to do- If there’s a sexual act you’re not sure about though not completely against, have a talk about such situations and what it would take to get you to try it since boundaries must be respected by your partner.
Be comfortable saying no- A healthy marriage is all about open communication. It means having conversations about serious topics openly and without fear or judgment. There are, undoubtedly, going to be stuff you aren’t interested in, or your lovebird isn’t interested in, that will never be on the table, while others may change over time. Talking about lovemaking with your better half should be the most natural for you two; let your spouse be aware that you want to talk to them, pick a time that’s both conducive for the two of you, and be sure to find a quiet setting with little or no distractions to discuss your feelings. The worse space to talk about sex limits will be when you want to copulate.
Determine the frequency- Feel free to take advantage of this meeting to propose new ideas like, new position or introduction of different sex toys in to the act instead of springing it up in the heat of the moment.
One of the biggest disconnects spouses face, is how often they have intercourse seeing that one partner may seem ready all the time, while it can take quite some time for the other person (frequency is different for each couple). You may want to schedule sex if it’s something you’re willing to give a push. Alternatively, you can both settle for spontaneous sex.
Whatever you desire to do or don’t ever want to do, just make sure your spouse is aware ahead of time before undressing.
In a nutshell, sexuality is like fluid and couples comfort levels on the other hand, can change over time, since one may indulge in things in the bedroom that they don’t enjoy simply because they want to please their lover.
There’s actually nothing wrong with setting sexual boundaries. There is no need feeling uncomfortable and going out of your way to engage in any sexual act you aren’t hundred percent on board with. It is never a requirement in marriage.
In as much as sex boundaries can be a difficult topic for spouses to talk about, it’s an important ingredient in marriage. You, willing to have an open and authentic conversation with your better half while also listening to their own boundaries, can make your sexual life less stressful, more enjoyable and pleasurable!