Words By- Josephine Agbonkhese

Dr Kingsley Okonkwo needs almost no introduction. A renowned relationship and marriage expert, he is a global speaker, bestselling author and award-winning relationship content creator.

Since 1999 when he started his journey of changing the stories of couples and families with the establishment of the Love, Dating and Marriage Organisation, Okonkwo has mentored over 500,000 aspiring family life and relationship coaches as Founder/CEO of Heart and Mind Consulting Services, equipping them with invaluable relationship coaching skills.

A dotting father and husband to Mildred Okonkwo, his commitment to building resilient homes globally, recently culminated in the establishment of The Association of Christian Family Life Coaches— a community dedicated to equipping family life practitioners with valuable resources, guidance, wisdom, and practical tools for building resilient and fulfilling families.

A respected clergyman, he is the Lead Pastor/Founder of Davids Christian Centre. In this interview, he discusses issues affecting marriages, why marriages fail, and how couples can strengthen their union among sundry issues.

Take us downtown memory-lane; what stirred your interest in this niche—family and relationship?

I started out as a very young preacher, primarily pastoring young people. Over time, I noticed that Valentine’s Day, February 14th, was a period many young people tended to make poor decisions sexually and regarding their relationships. Prior to this, I’ve always had a deep passion for helping young people navigate their relationships wisely; as such, this really stood out for me. Whenever I saw a young couple together, my mind would naturally wonder, Are they making the right choices? Are they following the right principles? That concern was always in my heart. So, as Valentine’s Day approached, I felt strongly that many young people would be vulnerable to making mistakes, and I wanted to provide them with wisdom, clarity, and guidance. That’s what led to holding the first meeting on February 14th in 1999, and it turned out to be a phenomenal success. From that moment, I knew this was something bigger than just one event. Over the years, I have continued to give expression to that passion, ensuring that young people receive the right guidance in their relationships.

Do you know not many see marriage and relationship as something deserving of any formal learning…

Yes, too often, individuals enter marriage without the proper knowledge or preparation required to choose and build a life with another human being, especially a marriage partner. There is still a lack of awareness about the necessity of relationship education. But that is precisely where our passion lies—helping people understand that it makes little sense to embark on such a life-altering journey without proper guidance and coaching. Even the greatest athletes—Lionel Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo, and legends like Roger Federer—have always had coaches. If the best in the world continue to seek expert guidance, how can anyone assume they don’t need coaching for something as complex and crucial as marriage?

What are the key signs love might be slipping away from a marriage?

Decline in a relationship is rarely sudden—it happens gradually, revealing itself through subtle but telling signs.

One of such clear indicators is when the excitement to talk to your spouse fades. If your partner is no longer the first person you think of calling—whether in moments of joy or crisis—it’s a sign that love might be slipping away. So when conversations no longer feel safe, and you find yourself withholding information, love truly may already be slipping away.

Another is when you fight more than you agree. If you catch yourself mentally preparing for arguments, anticipating conflicts, or strategising counterpoints before even speaking to your spouse, it suggests that tension has taken over. When arguments become so predictable that you know they’ll stretch over days, it’s time to acknowledge that something needs to be fixed in your marriage or relationship urgently.

Love doesn’t just disappear overnight—it fades when left unattended.

Have you noticed the rate of divorce among celebrities these days?

Yes I have and I actually dedicated an entire YouTube video to discussing celebrities and divorce because their lives are uniquely challenging. In many ways, I understand what it’s like to live in a glass house because I also have good public recognition myself.

However, it is important to note that celebrities, like every other person, are just humans. They make the same mistakes as everyone else, but the difference is that their actions—whether good or bad—are amplified. Their successes and failures are scrutinised in a way that an average person’s never would be.

So, it’s important to remember that strong marriages exist everywhere. The failure of one or two high-profile relationships shouldn’t be seen as a yard stick about marriage itself.

Another challenge many celebrities face is the illusion of success across all aspects of life. When someone is highly accomplished in one field—whether in music, acting, or sports—they may overlook the importance of learning and growing in other areas, including relationships. Success in one’s career doesn’t automatically translate to success in marriage. In fact, it can sometimes lead to complacency or even arrogance, making them resistant to seeking guidance.

Most marriages last over 10 years before dissolution and these couples probably courted for many years as well. Shouldn’t long years together bring about some stability?

In marriage, the length of time together is not a true measure of success. I often say that it takes an entire lifetime to truly know if a marriage is successful. Some people assume that being married for 20 years means the relationship has stood the test of time, but longevity alone is not proof of success. A marriage can only be declared truly successful at the end of the journey—when both partners have navigated life’s challenges together until the very last day.

A lot of couples and families now live out their lives on social media. Is this contributing to hike in divorce?

Foundational issues are often at the core of marital struggles, but diagnosing them is difficult unless you have an inside look into the couple’s private lives.

A marriage built for social media can easily become more about posts and performance rather than real connection. The truth is, the most intimate and meaningful moments in a marriage are rarely shared online- if you’re living your life just to post, you will find out that you’re not actually spending time with your partner because the real intimate moments of a marriage are not posted. If a couple is too preoccupied with creating content, they may neglect the depth and effort required to sustain a strong and fulfilling relationship behind the scenes.

You recently re-proposed to your wife; why was that necessary?

Renewing my proposal was necessary for many reasons. First, I deeply love my wife and wanted to celebrate her and our marriage once again. In fact, I love her even more now than I did when we first got married 20 years ago.

Secondly, in a world filled with negative news about failed relationships, we need to highlight stories of love, commitment, and longevity. It’s important to remind people that strong, lasting marriages still exist.

Another reason was that I never officially proposed in the way most people do today– ring in hand, down on one knee. My wife had mentioned it a few times over the years, and I knew it was something she would have loved. Back then, we couldn’t afford a proper engagement ring. But now that we can, I felt it was the perfect time to do it right.

There were a few other personal reasons as well, but ultimately, it was about love, appreciation, and making a meaningful gesture for the woman who has stood by me for two decades.

And should we be expecting a marriage ceremony?

Absolutely! We’re planning a vow renewal ceremony on September 3rd, which also marks our wedding anniversary. This time, it will be a destination wedding—an unforgettable celebration in an exotic location.

That brings us to the issue of reaffirmation and reassurance of love. Do you know the last time many heard the words ‘I love You‘ from their partners was probably their wedding day?

Yes sadly, this is true. However, love isn’t just something you express at the beginning of a relationship—it must be nurtured and sustained over time. Every human being wants to feel important, needed, and valued. Life comes with many pressures—work, financial responsibilities, daily routines, and even parenting—so it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.

This season presents the perfect opportunity to change that. Take time to write a heartfelt note, buy a meaningful gift, or simply find a special way to remind your partner how much they mean to you. At the core, everyone wants to feel loved, and small but thoughtful gestures can go a long way in strengthening your relationship.

What should couples do regularly to maintain the spark in their relationship?

Communicate consistently and intentionally. Revisit the moments and habits that made you fall in love in the first place. Go back to those things.

If it was going on dates, exchanging gifts, writing love notes, poems or simply sharing kind words, make a conscious effort to reintroduce them into your relationship. Also, be quick to forgive as resentment can slowly erode the bond between you and your partner.

There are many ways to nurture love—physical touch, quality time, and other intentional habits that happy couples practice.

What book would you recommend as required material for any couple?

I highly recommend, A to Z of Marriage, a book I co-authored with my wife.

How has your own marriage and family life influenced your approach to the work you do?

Oh, my family life has had a huge influence on me and what I do; it gives me practical insight into how relationships and marriage truly work. My wife is also incredibly smart and intelligent, and she helps articulate and structure these principles in a way that makes them easier to share with others. Having a great partner and a supportive wife has been instrumental in my journey. And honestly, you can’t do what I do without having a solid marriage yourself.

Your journey into ministry is still one many love to read about; how did the calling happen and who was Kingsley Okonkwo before then?

Oh, interestingly, I was just in church. I had a deep knowing in my spirit, almost as if God spoke to me directly. He told me, “What the pastor is doing, that’s what you’re going to do for the rest of your life.” It was a light bulb moment. Immediately, I went to pray, seeking clarity.

During my prayers, I began to see scripture and understand the different things God was calling me to do. These revelations were also confirmed in several prayer meetings, which gave me even more assurance. I knew, without a doubt, that ministry was my calling for life. It felt as clear as knowing my own name. Since then, I’ve never pursued anything else.

Tell us a little about your childhood, where you grew up and your most-memorable childhood experience?

My birth and upbringing were in Lagos. I was actually born on the road; my mom didn’t make it to the hospital in time, so I was delivered on the way. This part of my story has always felt significant to me, especially because it ties into my calling. I’ve always felt called to be an apostolic evangelist, someone who travels a lot; and my birth on the road is symbolic of that. Since then, I’ve been on the road, both physically and in my ministry.

I went to a military boarding school, and I was raised with four brothers, so it was an all-boys household.

As for memorable experiences, to be honest, it’s hard to pick just one, because the whole experience of growing up was memorable for me. Every part of it has shaped who I am today.

You’re a minister, coach, author, leader and entrepreneur. How do you prioritise your wellbeing amid all of these roles?

I believe in working hard and playing hard, and I try my best to balance both. Traveling is something I really enjoy, which makes it easier to manage my schedule. I also make it a point to connect with other brilliant minds, as this provides fresh perspectives and ideas that really help.

Additionally, having a great team is essential—they play a big role in keeping things moving smoothly. And of course, I make sure to carve out some time to rest and recharge when I can.

What do you do for fun?

Ah, I have a lot of things I do for fun! First of all, I love playing tennis—it’s one of my favourite ways to unwind. I also enjoy watching TV, especially sports or movies.

Another thing I really enjoy is taking long drives, especially in a fast car—I have a soft spot for sports cars!

Your advice for couples seeking a more blissful and fulfilling marriage?

Be intentional, invest in your marriage, and never stop learning.

Sent from my iPhone