By Rita Okoye

Whenever families gather it is often a time for laughter and catching up with relatives. But for many children, particularly teenagers, those gatherings can also become uncomfortable occasions when adults turn their bodies into conversation topics.

“You’ve really grown!” “Ah-ah, see how fat you are!” “You’re too skinny. Are your parents feeding you?” “Look at your height!”
“You have become a big girl now.”
“You’re getting too fat; you need to watch what you eat.”

These comments are often delivered casually, and sometimes accompanied by laughter, it may seem harmless to the adults making them. But for children and teenagers who are becoming increasingly conscious of their appearance, repeated comments about weight, height, breasts, hips, skin, hair or other physical features can have a lasting emotional impact.

When a compliment becomes uncomfortable
In Nigerian families, commenting on how much a child has grown is often considered a harmless way of acknowledging the passage of time. An aunt who has not seen her niece for several months may instinctively exclaim, “You have grown so big!”
The problem begins when the observation becomes an evaluation.
There is a difference between saying, “It’s lovely to see you again” and saying, “You have added so much weight.”
The former welcomes the child. The latter makes the child’s body the subject of public discussion.
For teenagers already navigating puberty and changing bodies, such comments can be particularly uncomfortable.

Puberty is not an invitation to discuss a child’s body
Adolescence comes with rapid physical changes. Children may suddenly become taller, gain weight, lose weight or develop features that attract attention from adults.
But while adults may see these changes as ordinary signs of growing up, the child may be experiencing them with confusion, embarrassment or insecurity.
This is why parents and relatives need to be careful about discussing puberty-related changes publicly.
A teenage girl should not have to endure relatives commenting on the size of her breasts, hips or body shape during family lunch. Likewise, a teenage boy should not become the subject of jokes about his height, weight, facial hair or changing voice.

The comparison problem
Body comments can also introduce children to comparison.
“Your sister is slimmer than you.”
“Look at your cousin; she is taller.”
“You were much prettier when you were younger.”
“Your brother eats more than you but doesn’t add weight.”
Such comparisons can teach children to view their bodies competitively rather than simply as part of who they are.
For teenagers especially, this can become complicated by social media, where they are already exposed to carefully curated images of beauty and body ideals.
A family gathering should ideally be one of the places where a child feels accepted rather than another environment in which they feel evaluated.

Parents can set boundaries
Parents do not have to wait until a child develops a serious body-image problem before addressing inappropriate comments.
They can intervene politely when relatives cross the line.
They can also speak privately with relatives who repeatedly make such comments, particularly grandparents, aunts, uncles or family friends who may genuinely not realise that their words are uncomfortable.

What should adults talk about instead?
There is no shortage of things to discuss when family members reunite.
Ask children about school, their interests, books, music, sports, hobbies, friendships, talents or things they have learnt.
Instead of saying, “You have become so fat,” an adult could say, “It’s wonderful to see you again.”
Instead of commenting on a teenager’s changing body, compliment their effort, creativity, kindness, confidence or achievements.

The message parents should reinforce
Children should not grow up believing that their value rises or falls with their weight, height, complexion, body shape or physical appearance.
Family gatherings should give them a sense of belonging—not make them dread walking into a room because they know someone will inspect and comment on their bodies.
They are growing. They know it. They don’t need the entire family to announce it.