OBLIGATORY SEX NOT SEXY!
By Adesuwa Ewoigbokhan

Young couple in bed
This is an act that makes its presence occasionally just for peace to reign in the home. In other words, it is a situation where one partner feels obligated, coerced or less satisfied.
In many marriages, there tend to be several months or years of sex by obligation,’’ am not in the mood to make love , but I will do it anyway so that my spouse will stop pressuring me.’’ This might work for a while but consequently, one of the partners will get tired of lack of genuine intimacy and begin to drift apart emotionally.
The partner that is refused sex, normally reacts by choosing more practicable way. They often think they can get their spouse to participate by winning them over with good deeds and passionate display, not knowing that natural reaction from the detached spouse will be more sexually exciting. But this is usually not the case. Manipulation, silent treatment, witholding sex as a way of punishing partners, most times, end in undermining things that could have been beneficial to one another.
A lot of modern women have an almost exclusively romantic opinion of sex. Love-making should always be mutually desired and equally satisfying or else, one should not engage in it. However, every marriage is very unique with it’s own details, history, circumstances and perplexities.
It is possible for couples to indulge in sex every now and then, though they could also go for weeks or months without indulging in it. The simple truth is that one spouse wants it more often, while the other partner could not care less about sex. This is not romantic.
The real fact is that good love making does not demand much; you can both flow with the feelings of euphoria, that is taking each other to the moon and back in less time than it would take you to locate the wine opener.
Instead of allowing sex to be an obligation for romance, let it be an incentive for it. Yes, your spouse is annoying you? Make love, turn friction to passion and enjoy the sparks that comes with it.
The absence of love-making is a usual tale in most marriages. Equally disheartening is a situation where one partner solely goes through the acts.
Though one can attempt to argue otherwise, the simple truth is that sex was designed by God to be a physically deep rendezvous between a man and his wife. No wonder, partners make use of their sixth sense and immediately see to it that such encounter is reduced to nothing more than just an obligation- a situation where husband/wife is begrudgingly obliging rather than vulnerably presenting his/her whole self. Instead, he/she should look for ways to please one another otherwise, the neglected spouse is vulnerable to outside forces.
Obligatory sex should not be compromised in any marriage because it could lead to devastation. Here is the good part, if duty bound intercourse is all that you have ever allowed, you do not have to stay grounded in that pattern.
Yes, change may be hard and awkward, even engulfing, but it can be achieved especially if it is that type of change that can strengthen your marriage. Don’t take a back seat thinking things will get better on their own. Don’t play with something as precious as the bond with the man/woman you fell in love with and entered matrimony with.
‘’To lie there unresponsively is less than physically there.’’ That is responding physically whereas mentally and emotionally you don’t match up to that of your spouse.
Intercourse is better desired though there could be stages in one’s life when these desires will slow down; for instance, when the children are still very young, financial stress or when the couple Is exhausted.
Routine sex is never the real thing when done out of duty, it might work for short term but never for long period. Instead, sex by decision can work as this has to do with both of you making plans for how to make the best for your sexual relationship, this has got to be as good for her as it is for the man.
A number of couples considered sex to be gift, but I will prefer to call it a chore – ‘’If chore means necessary job to keep our life together, then it means the job will be done. So let’s apply the same rule to marital sex. It might not sound romantic but better than divorcing.
Though you may be the partner doing the refusing or you may be the spouse being refused, regardless, the status quo is unsustainable. My prayer is that somehow, the couple will move mutually towards healing and strengthening their sexual intimacy.
When you decide to honour your matrimonial bed as a couple, you will both benefit sexually. So try and make a shift from obligatory sex for sex by decision and settle for it.