Valentine Day is only but in a few days.

Let’s be real, the anticipation of the day sometimes places pressure on relationships because of expectations, often unrealistic and unrealised.

Different relationship dynamics place a lot of pressure on couples whether married or not. For instance, a couple may be together but do not agree on how the day should be spent or even if Valentine’s Day should be acknowledged at all.

Then, there may be another couple who don’t wish to spend the day with one another but would rather go out with other friends. How about when it’s one partner who isn’t interested in spending the day with the significant other?

So many dynamics and I guess the three who go unscathed are the couples who don’t particularly care about making Valentine’s Day special or those who are romantics and are set to outdo each other. Or perhaps the Singles who have no dates and are not interested in getting one just because of a day’s celebration.

No matter what side of the divide you find yourself, if you are bothered by actions taken by your partner on Valentine’s Day, it may be a pointer to how solid your relationship is, and if you need to address some issues.

Do watch out for the following Valentine Traps

1. A) IN LOVE WITH THE IDEA OF LOVE: Valentine’s Day is just a day! If you are single, don’t be easily swayed or fooled by actions done on Valentine’s Day. A lot of people are “in love with the idea of being in love” and anyone willing or available on the day will suit just fine. There are lots of fleeting relationships initiated during the Valentines period only for them to fizzle out after the day because there is really no depth or substance to them. Yes. Most of us have been there when with all the love in the air, we wished we were in love with someone who loved us. Some actually hook up with an ex just to “feel good” on the day. Others may have even fantasised about someone who they fancied themselves being in love with.

1. B) HEIGHTENED EXPECTATIONS: When you are in a new relationship and it’s your first Valentine’s Day together, there is the tendency to have heightened expectations from your partner. You don’t know what to expect but you are expectant that something nice will happen. You make your plans but you are hesitant not to appear to be doing too much too soon. You wonder if you will finally hear “I love you” or perhaps be ignored. You secretly hope plans are being put in place to “surprise you”. Every phone call or delivery vehicle on the day comes with heightened expectations. Expectations plant the seed of disappointments. Let go of expectations.

1. C) FALSE COMPARISONS: The grass is not always greener on the other side. Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t compare your relationship either. While there may be true love expressed on Valentine’s Day, a whole lot of what is going around is the spirit of lust. Some even pretend to get what they want. Your relationship is between you and your partner. If he or she is not into Valentine’s Day drama, respect that. You know how solid or not your relationship is and Valentine Day will not change the truth. While Valentine’s Day celebrations and seeing various expressions of love may confirm your worst fears and disappointments about your partner, it still doesn’t mean you have the worst relationship in the world. Mind your relationship. It shouldn’t matter what your best friend’s partner did for their own celebrations. Relationship dynamics are very different. Don’t strive to be like the Joneses.

1. D) PRETENSE: It’s no use pretending you have the best partner in the world when you don’t. Don’t send yourself flowers or gifts pretending it came from your spouse, partner or a secret admirer. Nobody cares about that. Don’t be under any pressure to put up appearances. It’s okay to be alone on Valentine’s Day. If you are single, your true love will come someday (it doesn’t have to be on Val’s Day). And if you are married, you know who you signed up with so adjust your mindset so as not to end up with a miserable life. The world doesn’t end if you are not acknowledged on Valentine’s Day. Chances are that if you were being ignored anyway, Valentine’s Day wouldn’t make a difference. If you have been pampered and loved too, Valentine’s Day won’t change that.

1. E) FEELING UNWORTHY OF LOVE: Don’t feel sorry for yourself, don’t feel unworthy of love. GOD LOVES YOU. Never forget that. if it’s important to you, get yourself a treat, book a cake, order nice takeout, address a card to yourself. Just don’t pretend any of these is from someone else. You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. You’ve got to love yourself first before giving out any love.

Give love to people. Make someone happy by giving a gift. Put a smile on someone’s face. Let the love in you spread abroad.

Remember it’s just a day. It shouldn’t make or mar your relationship. Do have a beautiful Valentine.

Written by:

Tinuola Agbabiaka

Certified Relationship Counsellor & Professional Therapeutic Counsellor

[email protected]