By Tinuola Agbabiaka

What does a woman want? A woman wants to be loved! So how should a woman be loved?

Women are moved by what a man says first, then does. For a woman, it’s not so much about looks or money otherwise all rich married women will be happy and there would be no married poor man. We are moved by our feelings which are greatly influenced by what you say or do to us. The word of God enjoins a man – “Husbands, love your wife as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it . . . So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church . . . For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shal.1 be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh”. Eph. 5:25; 28-31

A woman can be likened to a garden which must be taken care of “constantly” for it to blossom otherwise it risks growing out of shape and/or invasion of thorns. Contrary to popular belief amongst men, sex is not the only way to show love. In actual fact, sex is only one way out of many and there are hundreds, thousands of ways to show love. For a woman, it is all those things you do before sex that makes it worthwhile. Little wonder sex is still the greatest cause of disagreement between couples. He wants it; she doesn’t. The question every man should ask himself is “why would my wife not want sex if she enjoys it?” Every man must know that “Your wife’s view of sex is much different than yours. Her sexual fulfilment is connected to everything else in her life. When she feels close to you emotionally, she is more responsive. When she is in touch with her children and is proud of how you father them, she is more attracted to you. When her career is moving forward and you are supportive of her pursuits, she finds you irresistible. The more you are a part of her life; the stronger is her desire for you.”-Bill and Pam Farell. 

• Make sure you start each day praying with/for her- You must form the daily habit of praying for and with her. She has the closest access to you and sees you at your most vulnerable. She has the greatest influence to affect your destiny and those of the fruit of your loins positively (or otherwise). You NEED to pray for her. Call her by name and prophesy goodness. You are indirectly praying for yourself, as her successes are yours too.

• Reaffirm your love- tell her you love her. You can’t say too much of it. Don’t assume she knows .Its important she hears it over and over again(and certainly not only before sex!)

• Appreciate her- let her know in words and deeds that you are glad she’s yours

• Compliment her- there must be something she does very well. Be specific and watch her face light up.

• Brag about her to others. Tell them how wonderful she is. It will get back to her.

• Have a pet name for her which nobody else calls her.- Just ensure it has a positive meaning.

• Send her text messages to show you care- It is a good part of foreplay and also works wonders.

• Ensure that you touch and/or kiss her daily howbeit fleetingly and let it be. Resist the urge to bring it to a logical conclusion. Make love to her, not sex- Ensure you touch all four bases of lovemaking (you will have to contact me for this. Lol). Resist the strong urge to skip and go for the homerun.

• Be considerate- During love making, tell her you want to make her feel good. Ask her to let you know what she likes or what you do that she likes. Ensure she is satisfied before you end the show. The fact that you have thought of her and chosen to hold off until she has reached peak is an indication of love.

• Consistency- Be there for her through thick and thin; sick and sin. She must know that you have got her back.

• Desire her- let your eyes follow her around the house, wink at her, kiss her neck, give her a massage etc

• When her body parts have gone south due largely to pregnancy and other motherhood related matters, let her know that you still love her body. Every woman craves that reassurance. It will let her know that she is secure with your love.

• Let her breathe- occasionally she will need to get away from it all briefly. Watch the kids while she goes off with her girlfriends.

• Speak nicely and gently to her whenever you feel you should correct her -speaking the truth in LOVE.

• Emotional support- Be interested in her goals, career, dreams, hopes and aspiration.

• Give gifts- every woman likes and wants tangible expressions of love. You must be able to buy gifts that your woman likes and surprise her with it. Giving a gift she hates is the next worse thing than not giving at all so watch out.

• Acts of service – Help watch the kids and also ask if there is anything else you can help her with in the home.

• Give her time to rest. Let the kids know she needs to take a quick nap and should not be disturbed.

• Protect her- make excuses for her shortcomings. Defend her to others most especially your family. When they see that you are not a fertile ground for their comments, they will refrain from making them.

• Romance- Make time out for romance. A time together to laugh and reconnect with one another which may not necessarily end with sex. Sex should only be the icing on the cake.

• Respect-. Allow her to teach you things without being defensive. God has given the woman, the power of intuition.

• Humour- When laughter dies, love dies. You must find ways to make her laugh.

• Engagement- Whenever you are with her, you must be engaged. You cannot be with her and be distracted with phone calls or other thoughts.

• You are not perfect, so ignore some of the imperfections in her. We all have annoying habits.

There are tons of other ways to show love. You must communicate with your wife. You will be amazed at how much better your relationship will become and you will get your reward both here on earth and in heaven!

Tinuola Agbabiaka

Certified Relationship Counsellor & Professional Therapeutic Counsellor