Vanguard Allure

Top Menu

  • Vanguard

Main Menu

  • Home
  • Allure Magazine
    • Features
    • Magazine
    • Profiles
  • Allure TV
  • Celebration
    • Fashion & Style
    • Weddings
    • Lifestyle
    • Events
  • Wellbeing
    • Allure Woman
    • Healthy Living
    • Beauty
  • Happiness
    • Food
    • Shopping
    • Travel
    • Relationships
    • Career
  • News
  • Vanguard

logo

Vanguard Allure

  • Home
  • Allure Magazine
    • Beauty Tukura: Living Her Beautyful Life

      May 30, 2023
      0
    • When creatives gathered for International Designers And Design Conference in Lagos

      May 24, 2023
      0
    • Fans Pressure: Celebrities Nightmare

      May 21, 2023
      0
    • Young Elder Gcfr: Bridging Comedy And Morals

      May 14, 2023
      0
    • Susan Esisi:The Skin Beauty Advocate

      May 7, 2023
      0
    • Debola Deji-Kurunmi: Unlocking Potentials

      April 30, 2023
      0
    • Shareefah Abiola Andu: Breaking New Grounds

      April 23, 2023
      0
    • I inherited fashion talent from my mum - PJ Prejoys Jolomi Gedu

      April 21, 2023
      0
    • Ituah Ighodalo: An Exemplary Life @ 62

      April 16, 2023
      0
    • Features
    • Magazine
    • Profiles
  • Allure TV
  • Celebration
    • Fashion & Style
    • Weddings
    • Lifestyle
    • Events
  • Wellbeing
    • Allure Woman
    • Healthy Living
    • Beauty
  • Happiness
    • Food
    • Shopping
    • Travel
    • Relationships
    • Career
  • News
    • When creatives gathered for International Designers And Design Conference in Lagos

      May 24, 2023
      0
    • Jay-Z and Beyonce purchase most expensive home ever in California

      May 22, 2023
      0
    • Agency refuses to hand over accident images of Prince Harry, wife

      Agency refuses to hand over accident images of Prince Harry, wife

      May 19, 2023
      0
    • Nigerian Chef Hilda Baci breaks Guinness World Record for longest cooking time

      May 15, 2023
      0
    • Why I Started Ada Goes To School…Ada Agwu Eme MBGN

      May 14, 2023
      0
    • International Designers and Design Conference 2023 holds May 20

      May 10, 2023
      0
    • Boy-child wellness takes centre stage as ISISD commemorates Boys Day

      May 10, 2023
      0
    • 'News of Queen Sekinat's illness false, Malicious' - Elegushi’s palace

      May 8, 2023
      0
    • Dangote Refinery: A Boom for Real Estate Investment in Lagos, Nigeria - ...

      May 8, 2023
      0
  • Kunle Afolayan celebrates actress Aisha Lawal on ‘Anikulapo’ movie set

  • Actress, Ruth Eze prays for marriage like Mercy Chinwo’s

  • Adedimeji Lateef lands role in Kunle Afolayan’s ‘Anikulapo’ series

  • Shade Okoya celebrates son’s, granddaughter’s 1st birthday

  • Actress, Lilian Afegba calls out Real Warri Pikin over second wedding to hubby

News
Home›News›What a four-year old taught her mom about parenting is profound

What a four-year old taught her mom about parenting is profound

August 28,2019
Share:

No two parenting styles are the same. Infact, no one has the manual for how best to raise a child. Many parents are raising their kids in the best possible way that they know.

Thankfully, many African parents are raising their kids away from the mentality that children shouldn’t express their feelings especially when it looks like a challenge to their parent’s instruction.

A mom, @JusttBarb shared a profound lesson she learnt from her 4-year old daughter and it’s worth reading through.  Her story has been retweeted over 29, 000 times and liked over 94, 000 times.

Read her story here

My daughter shifted my parenting this afternoon. On the way home, her and her cousin were in the backseat arguing. I looked into my rear view mirror and said “Jahara, what is going on?” (This question is very important to the story.) She said, “K keeps taking my toys.”

I said, “Are you frustrated that he keeps taking the toys? Are there other toys that you would prefer to share?” She looked out the window for a second. “No, I just don’t want to share my toys right now.” I asked her cousin to play with his toys and when we get home

We’ll pick out all the toys we plan to share. They both agreed. What happened next I did not expect. “Mommy.” “Yes Toots.” I met her eyes in the rearview mirror and she said, “I feel sad that you always think I did something wrong. I’m always asked first. Please ask everyone else and then me.” Woah.

My four year affectively communicated to me how she felt (as a direct result of my behavior), what she needed (defined method of accountability from me to her) and made a request of me (an established boundary that ensures her need is met.On my end until the boundary changes.)

The rest of the way home they bickered and I intervened as little as possible and eventually they worked it out. I kept replaying Jahara’s  statement in my head and then I replayed the entire interaction over. I always ask her first.

In restorative practices we ask the person who did the harm first, what happened. Regardless of the framing, interrogation of others can be met with shame. Even if we lovingly call a person in for the harms they have caused, there is still shame connected to causing harm.

Each time I asked my child directly what happened, the message she received was that I perceived her to be the source of the harm. That is what ticked her emotional response to be sadness and anger communicated through yelling and running away.

So now I’m sitting here, coming up with ways to remind myself to slow down and ask the other person first. I’m also going to reframe the question and see if that helps. I’m so grateful that we have created the conditions for our children to challenge us +see it as a sign of love to give feedback and set boundaries.

And yes, my inner child has experienced some healing from this lesson as well.

Also! I want to emphasize the point of making eye contact when she called me. When shame is present it means there is a disconnect. While people project shame in various ways there is always opportunity to connect and then communicate to work through the shame.

Eye contact is one of the ways. If I never made eye contact with her I don’t think her I statement would’ve had as much impact on me as it has. Especially because her eyes were already waiting for me when I looked up.

TagsmotherhoodParenting
Previous Article

Actress, Joke Silva, welcomes son, Gbenga into ...

Next Article

Sonia Obi-Okodo’s sexual abuse story

0
Shares
  • 0
  • +
  • 0
  • 0
  • 0
  • 0

Related articles More from author

  • Celebration

    Actor Kalu Ikeagwu and wife welcome a son

    January 27, 2019
    By RITA
  • Allure WomanCelebrationHappinessmusicRelationships

    Musician, 9ice welcomes second child with wife, Sunkanmi

    February 4, 2022
    By joy onuorah
  • Features

    I can’t allow my husband bathe our daughter, says TV presenter, Nigerians react

    December 5, 2018
    By RITA
  • She thought she had kidney stones, but they turned out triplets
    CelebrationNews

    She thought she had kidney stones, but they turned out triplets

    August 19, 2019
    By RITA
  • Allure MagazineNews

    Actress, Adunni Ade talks more about life as a single parent, suicide attempt 

    April 6, 2017
    By allure1
  • Allure WomanEntertainmentHappinessTrending

    Cardi B shares sneek peek of 6-month-old son

    March 10, 2022
    By joy onuorah
0

  • News

    Federal Government has declared Monday June 14 as a public holiday to commemorate Democracy Day

  • Allure Woman

    Ireti Doyle reveals why she didn’t vote this govt

  • Allure Woman

    Actress, Georgina Onuoha ruminates on how she escaped death two years ago

  • 5312
    Followers
  • 12744
    Likes

Timeline

  • June 1, 2023

    Kunle Afolayan celebrates actress Aisha Lawal on ‘Anikulapo’ movie set

  • June 1, 2023

    Actress, Ruth Eze prays for marriage like Mercy Chinwo’s

  • June 1, 2023

    Adedimeji Lateef lands role in Kunle Afolayan’s ‘Anikulapo’ series

  • June 1, 2023

    Shade Okoya celebrates son’s, granddaughter’s 1st birthday

  • June 1, 2023

    Actress, Lilian Afegba calls out Real Warri Pikin over second wedding to hubby

Categories

Subscribe to our Newsletter

Sign up to receive email updates and to hear what's going on with our magazine!

  • Recent

  • Popular

  • Comments

  • Kunle Afolayan celebrates actress Aisha Lawal on 'Anikulapo' movie set

    Kunle Afolayan celebrates actress Aisha Lawal on ‘Anikulapo’ movie set

    By joy onuorah
    June 1, 2023
  • Actress, Ruth Eze prays for marriage like Mercy Chinwo's

    Actress, Ruth Eze prays for marriage like Mercy Chinwo’s

    By joy onuorah
    June 1, 2023
  • Adedimeji Lateef lands role in Kunle Afolayan's 'Anikulapo' series

    Adedimeji Lateef lands role in Kunle Afolayan’s ‘Anikulapo’ series

    By joy onuorah
    June 1, 2023
  • Shade Okoya celebrates son's, granddaughter's 1st birthday

    Shade Okoya celebrates son’s, granddaughter’s 1st birthday

    By joy onuorah
    June 1, 2023
  • Chioma Jesus, Sammie Okposo, Midnight Crew set for #THUGGLA2018

    By RITA
    April 24, 2018
  • American rapper, Kendrick Lamar wins Pulitzer prize for 2017 ‘Damn’ album

    By RITA
    April 17, 2018
  • Afrobeat singer, Seun Kuti drops new album titled ‘Black Times’ 

    By RITA
    April 23, 2018
  • Actor, Yul Edochie declares intention to run for presidency

    By RITA
    April 23, 2018

Entertainment

  • June 1, 2023

    Kunle Afolayan celebrates actress Aisha Lawal on ‘Anikulapo’ movie set

  • June 1, 2023

    Adedimeji Lateef lands role in Kunle Afolayan’s ‘Anikulapo’ series

  • June 1, 2023

    Actress, Lilian Afegba calls out Real Warri Pikin over second wedding to hubby

  • June 1, 2023

    Adunni Ade joins ‘The Women Kings of Box Office Filmmaking’

  • May 30, 2023

    The Winlos’ Blockbuster Film ‘Prophet Suddenly’ Now Streaming on YouTube”

Follow us