By Tinuola Agbabiaka

 

“You don’t build a bond without being present.

-James Earl Jones

One of the greatest issues militating against wholesome and healthy family life is the absence of quality time spent together which enables bonding.  We were all too busy running up and down doing the needful but thanks to the lockdown we are home together.  A couple may very well live in the same house but exist as just roommates or housemates.  It’s not unusual too for children to barely see one or both parents though they all live in the same house.

Thankfully, lockdown has created an opportunity to correct these anomalies. Now that we are home with our loved ones, the question is are we bonding or are we still unavailable because we are busy with social media, work or church activities as opposed to bonding with our family members?

 

Bonding requires dedicated quality time with one another. Bonding is essential to any healthy family growth as it not only brings the couple/family together,  children thrive better in such homes.

 

Bonding also presents a stable environment, which gives children a sense of belonging and very high self-esteem with which they are able to excel both academically and socially.

 

In my home,  we have periods when we drop the phones and make time for each other.  One of our bonding moments is to watch a movie together.  The problem though is that hubby likes action movies while I prefer romantic movies.  We solved the different preferences by staying with each other while the other watches his/her choice of movie. Of course, it doesn’t always go as smoothly as expected as hubby will usually doze off in the middle of a movie which really upsets me😄.

 

I devised a means of watching the movie of interest to me with hubby but he will either be distracted,  be on the phone or as usual doze off. Can anyone relate?  However,  we tend to do a lot of other activities together like tidying of our bedroom- we lay the bed together😄. Or Sometimes he is doing the dishes while I cook(he won’t cook lailai) 😄😄😄.  Our son will also be involved by taking out all the trash in the house and setting the dining table.

 

We talk, discuss, disagree and agree during these bonding moments and come out with a more strengthened relationship.

 

Yesterday,  I actually recorded my hubby while he was miming a song for me but he has begged me not to make it go viral😄. I have conceded… For now.  Who knows how handy that video would be someday🤣🤣🤣

 

Bottomline,  bonding requires having fun together, being senstitive to what makes your family or children happy and spending time together doing the same.

 

Now that we are all locked in together as a family,  there isn’t a better time to bond with one another than now.  My prayer is that the Lord will heal every hurting marriage in these times as we spend more and more time together as a family.

 

So how can you bond as a family?

 

1) Watch a movie together. Agree on which movie and when.

 

2)Spend quality time with the Children individually or together.  Sometimes,  my hubby will dissappear into our son’s room for hours playing X-box games with him.

 

3) Eat together as a family.  Sometimes the best conversations come up on the dining table.

 

4)Dance together. Somehow,  I lost my dancing skills after I got married and had children.  Hubby and children have a good laugh at my dancing or lack of skills in that area and I just do my thing like I don’t care.🤣🤣🤣Compare dance steps and choose a winner 😄.

 

5) Tell “In my days” and “Nowadays” stories and compare and contrast.

 

6) Have casual unplanned conversations with your spouse and/or children.  Scheduling conversation may not really work for bonding as each party may put up a guard.

 

7) Get to know each other and appreciate each other and it will certainly help your relationship grow and blossom.

 

Remember, one size does not fit all, find your own rhythm…..This lockdown must not go to waste! Please make the most of it.

 

May the Lord help us all in Jesus’ name.