Is Sheggz toxic and manipulative or just a lover boy?
This current Season 7 Big Brother Naija housemate, Sheggz has been labelled as toxic and abusive, are they right?
Sheggz, Segun Olusemo, is an injured footballer (also actor) who made his way into the Big Brother Naija House to win the grand prize of N100 million.
When you are in the Big Brother House, your actions, words and behaviour are carefully scrutinized because people are peering into your life day and night and drawing conclusions based on your behaviour.
Sheggz personality is a mixture of many we have seen on this show, but he still falls short of the billionaire status of Kiddwaya, whose father carted 14 sitting governors in a jet for his birthday, the wild lover boy attitude of Ozo who wrote Nengi poems and professed love at every minute and the emotional side of Saga who cried without his Nini by his side – Shegz could be any of this men but yet he isn’t.
He is braggadocious, but we don’t know why, except that he lives in London. Yes, he is handsome, but not Idris Elba handsome.
On the show, he meets and professes love to the most beautiful girl in his level, Bella Okagbue and they spark a romance.
Initially, she refuses, but they both create a world of their own rooted in condescension and feeling better than everyone.
They become a couple in a week, and we hear of dreams of a wedding and children. Sounds like love bombing? But Bella grabs at his words like a baby-sucking breast. She always wanted to get married at 25, anyway.
To the viewers, the connection feels unreal, but Sheggz says he’s serious and Bella believes she is in love.
The making of a villain
There is also an allegation of domestic violence against a popular YouTube influencer hovering above his head.
Sheggz is famous for tearing Bella down – a personality she didn’t notice at first or ignored when he screamed at Doyin (another housemate) for correcting him.
He calls her stupid, rude and is constantly fault finding. After which, he apologizes.
This mental turmoil is bad for her mental health. He suppresses her sharp, bubbly personality.
Bella has no time to process her hurt and anger, she might even blame herself for acting stupid and hurting her man, but before these thoughts are processed, he becomes loving again.
What game is he playing, if any? Is this normal behaviour for anyone?
Who is a toxic manipulative lover?
According to the Gottman Institute, there are 10 signs of an abusive lover; You can use it to gauge your partner and Sheggz behaviour.
- Control: He or she wants to be in charge of everything about you. It can seem like care, but don’t be deceived.
- Yelling: He or she yells at you. Yelling is a form of control. Only the loudest person can be heard so they yell to frighten you and assert dominance.
- Contempt: If your partner responds to you with silence, sarcasm or disgust.
- Excessive defensiveness: If you constantly have to defend yourself because he or she makes you feel like you are always wrong.
- Threats: If you are in a relationship because of fear of him or her carrying out threats like leaving you, hurting themselves etc then you are being manipulated.
- Blame: If the blame is always on you, and you are the one who is always wrong, then your partner is manipulating you.
- Stonewalling: When your partner refuses to communicate with you.
- Isolation: When your partner makes sure you have no friends or family around, they make sure you are their everything.
- Volatility: When there are so many ups and downs in the relationship, too many fights, too many mood swings.
- Gaslighting: When your feelings and emotions are being denied.
If a mirror is held up to Sheggz face we would see that he is displaying a few of these traits. Is it just a game to him? Is this his real personality? One thing is for sure, his behaviour towards Bella is unacceptable and rubs off on the viewers wrongly (some even started a petition for him to come home). He has a lot of explaining to do when he gets out.