By Jemi Ekunkunbor

Dr. Eniabitobi Kuyinu is a woman of many parts rolled into one: a clergy, a brain health coach, family therapist, and counsellor. Widowed early, 23 years ago, her resilience in the face of adverse life and health issues is quite admirable.

Her quest to solve some of life’s issues remains a driving force for her constant return to the classroom to learn.

The Executive Director of Atukah International Center, AIC, a wellness and brain health center that provides natural, drugless, and non-surgical interventions for chronic conditions and brain-based issues, holds a Ph.D. in Counsellor Education and Supervision from Mercer University, Atlanta, and an M.A. in Marriage and Family Therapy from Abilene Christian University.

She gained her Doctor of Chiropractic Degree from Life University, Atlanta; a B.A. in Theology from Life Theological Seminary, Lagos, Nigeria; and a B.A in Microbiology from the University of Benin, Nigeria, in 1990.

She also earned her Certificate in Christian Sex Therapy from Richmont Graduate University, Atlanta, through the Institute of Sexual Wholeness.

A recipient of numerous awards and dedicated to serving the community, the author of Are You Like Me? – before starting her second doctorate – was an Assistant Professor of Counselling at Richmont Graduate University, Atlanta.

You seem to have a passion for continuous learning; what drives you?
The desire for excellence. The desire to give people the best. As a child of God, I believe in giving my best, just as God gave His best—Jesus. If there’s knowledge out there that will help me serve people better, I want to learn it.

You have garnered degrees and certificates in different fields; which are you most passionate about?
My fields of study complement each other, making it hard to choose. I started with microbiology, which deepened my understanding of the human body. Theology then shaped my identity and purpose, leading me to counseling. Working with youth revealed how family struggles impact them, prompting me to study family therapy. I later realised I was also a trainer, leading me to a PhD in counselor education and supervision.
Sex therapy became another focus—to help couples build stronger marriages. While counseling, I noticed many marital issues stemmed from personality disorders and neurodevelopmental challenges. This led me to chiropractic and functional neurology, understanding how brain health affects behaviour and relationships.

In a few days, it will be Valentine’s Day, with all the frenzy and outward show of love, yet divorce is on the rise. What, in your view, is going on?
The issue of divorce is not new; the rise is just influenced by economic empowerment.
Today, economic independence allows people to leave unsatisfactory marriages quickly.
This “me-first” mentality, partly due to absent parenting, makes them less willing to endure difficulties in marriage. The making of “One” in marriage can be a trial by fire.
Christian values like commitment and fear of God are also diminishing. Many seek quick fixes, including in their faith. This mindset carries over into relationships—if something doesn’t work instantly, they quit.
Another major issue is insufficient preparation. In the past, communities played a role in vetting potential spouses. Today, people marry based on emotions, without proper investigation.
Key questions are often ignored: Have you visited their family? How do they treat their parents and siblings? What kind of friends do they have?
Premarital counseling should be thorough, and should cover personality, history, mental health, and expectations. When people rush into marriage, they are more likely to rush out. Life is not a smooth road; it has mountains and valleys. Proper preparation builds resilience.

As a marriage counsellor and brain wellness expert, would you say that many of those who enter relationships such as marriage, are mentally ready for the challenges that marriage brings?

Many people aren’t truly ready for marriage because their understanding comes from scripted media or unhealthy home environments. Your upbringing serves as a template, and if it’s flawed, it can lead to hidden mental health struggles like anxiety. Many lack emotional preparedness, don’t know how to build real friendships, and reduce relationships to physical attraction.
We’ve lost the art of genuine connection—of simply enjoying each other’s company without ulterior motives. True friendship forms the foundation for healthy relationships and, ultimately, a strong marriage.

From your experience in marriage counselling, what issues top the list that couples present?
I won’t rank them, but here’s a range of common marital issues: infidelity, personality clashes, communication gaps, finances, and sex.

Sex is a major issue in marriage; how can sexual wholeness be attained?
Sex is a major issue in marriage, and it starts with personal sexual control. If you lacked boundaries before marriage, don’t expect sudden discipline afterward. There will be times when your spouse is unavailable due to illness, distance, postpartum recovery or other reasons.
Sexual wholeness begins with setting personal boundaries and understanding that sex is more than just physical pleasure—it is the highest form of communication, a deep bond of giving and receiving. Engaging in it without commitment can lead to emotional and physical risks.
When sex is built on true friendship and understanding, couples can work through difficulties together.

What can people with sexual pain disorder do?
The first thing is to check with a gynecologist to ensure that there’s no organic issue going on. After that, if she’s sure there’s nothing going on, then it’s good to see a therapist; a marriage, family, sex therapist, and a psychologist, because it might also be related to other things, like anxiety, panic attacks, past trauma, causing this instant stiffening or constricting of muscles and how that can impact sex. And it might even just be that that person constricts muscles everywhere.

How can women in marriage who have become frigid as a result of genital mutilation help themselves?
Sex is more mental than physical. While genital mutilation can affect sensitivity, it’s not the sole cause of frigidity. Some women who have undergone it still experience pleasure, meaning other factors may be at play. Sex involves vulnerability, intimacy, and openness. Negative beliefs, past experiences, or lack of proper education about sex can also contribute to frigidity.

Adult toys are becoming popular with women these days with some claiming it does the job better. How does this affect a marriage in the long run?
Adult toys are becoming increasingly popular, but sex is more than just a physical act—it’s about intimacy, connection, and procreation. Using adult toys programmes your brain to experience sex in a way that excludes human connection, creating unhealthy neural pathways. When neurons fire together, they wire together, and once established, these patterns can last for decades. Research shows that even after 30 years, rewiring remains. Programming yourself to experience sex in isolation distorts its purpose. While it may be difficult for those who were once sexually active but are now single, self-control and discipline are essential for personal growth and fulfillment.

You are a Christian Sex Therapist; are there issues pertaining to other kinds of sexuality or other religions that your expertise would not address?
I am a Christian sex therapist with strong values that guide my work.
My core belief is that sex should be between married couples and should honour both partners, fostering intimacy, vulnerability, and growth in marriage.
I reject acts that debase or dehumanise, emphasising that we are not animals but beings created in God’s image, with an innate understanding of right and wrong. Over time, repeated actions can dull our conscience, but deep down, we all recognise good and evil. In my premarital counseling and training, I encourage people to examine their actions—are they rooted in kindness, respect, and love?

We have seen situations where a man who once professed to love a woman beats her to death, or a woman stabs hubby to death. How can you tell that someone is not maintaining optimal neurological function?

Before becoming a couple, we are individuals first. If personal issues go unresolved, they will inevitably spill into marriage or any relationship. Domestic violence, for example, doesn’t start in marriage—it shows early warning signs like rage, quick temper, anxiety, or depression. Ignoring these is like neglecting a visible wound.
Many people carry emotional wounds, traumas, or neurodevelopmental disorders like ADHD or depression. They also inherit behavioural patterns from their upbringing, often unaware of their impact. When choosing a partner, it’s not just about their job, looks, or spirituality—pay attention to their character. How do they handle conflict? Are they respectful? Do they control their emotions or throw tantrums.
It’s better to be single than married to someone who is temperamental, self-centered, or unwilling to grow. Everyone is a work in progress, but some people aren’t even aware they need to change. Marriage requires counting the cost, and as a community, we should look out for one another. In a world where people live in isolation, we must step in when we see red flags, even when we aren’t invited. Love compels us to care.

What should a couple do when love grows cold?
When fire grows cold, you reignite it. Love isn’t always burning at the same intensity—life happens. But relationships require effort. Without investment, you get no returns, just like an emotional bank account that depletes without deposits.
In marriage, you must keep adding fuel. Set intentional moments to reconnect, even scheduling intimacy if needed. Make it special—show you value each other. Reflect on what brought you together and keep doing those things. Don’t just work to win your partner over and then stop—sustaining love requires continuous effort. What ignited the fire must keep it burning.

What counsel would you give to the single and the married this Valentine season?
Reflect on the true meaning of love and relationships. For singles, understand friendship and selflessness—your spouse should first be your friend, someone you’d give your all for. Beyond romance, ask: Am I meeting my spouse’s needs? Are they happy and fulfilled?
Marriage isn’t just about personal gain; it’s about supporting each other’s purpose. Instead of focusing on what you receive, consider how you can give—love is sacrificial. Just as Christmas heightens our focus on Christ, seasons of love should remind us to reflect deeply on what love truly means. The Bible says that “for God so loved the world that He gave”-love is giving, love is sacrificial. And so, that should be a lifestyle.

You experienced widowhood early; what helped in those dark days?
I found strength in my faith, a supportive church community, and staying engaged in meaningful work. Being busy with Bible school and helping others gave me purpose. Twenty three years ago, I didn’t have a master’s, I didn’t have a doctor in counseling, I didn’t have a doctor of chiropractic, but if this woman can do it, anybody can. When you give love, it returns in abundance. My story shows that no matter the loss, with faith, learning, and purpose, there is always hope.

What is the most important lesson you’ve learned in the course of your career?
Staying focused is crucial. People often try to pull me in different directions. With many gifts, it’s easy to lose focus, so I constantly refine my vision. Even if success isn’t immediate, staying in my lane with diligence brings true fulfillment.

How would you describe your life in ministry?
My life in ministry is my greatest joy—it’s what makes me happy and lights me up. Even my work as a therapist is rooted in this calling.

When you are not working how do you like to relax?
I Sleep. That is my medicine.

If you have the opportunity to go to a new destination for a holiday, where would you go?
That will be Seychelles! I look forward to going to where I can look at the water and I can see the bottom of the ocean and it’s so blue.