By Adesuwa Ewoigbokhan

Sexual trauma in marriage can be a painful and complex issue. This can manifest as emotional distress, intimacy issues, or even physical symptoms.

As Eghosa sat in the dimly lit room, she couldn’t help but feel the weight of her secrets bearing down on her. Years of marriage to her loving husband, Osaro, had been tainted by the memories of past trauma she’d endured which had left an edible mark on her, affecting every aspect of their relationship.

In marriage, sexual trauma can be the root of many marital problems.
Eghosa, in her late 20s and married for about 2 years )had been sexually molested for years by a family member at a very young age. This went on for so long that she couldn’t figure out when it stopped.
Sexual trauma is often different for the victims.
Sexual trauma is any sexual act that is imposed on another person without consent. It includes the following: sexual assault, rape, sexual abuse, stalking, sexual harassment, childhood sexual abuse, incest, sex trafficking, online sexual harassment, sexual violence in relationships etc.

Victims of sexual trauma may have trouble recalling specific details about their experience, but they can vividly remember feelings associated with the experience.

The emotional distance between Eghosa and Osaro grew wider with each passing day as she struggled to connect with her husband, feeling emotionally numb and disconnected.
Trust issues plagued their union, as experiences of past hurt hunted her current relationship. Intimacy became a minefield, with Eghosa’s anxiety and flashbacks triggered by even the slightest touch.

One night, the sexual tension boiled over as Osaro got frustrated and feeling helpless lashed out her, saying things he did not mean. Eghosa already on edge, felt her worst fears were being confirmed. The argument ended with both of them in tears, the distance between them feeling insurmountable.

Eghosa’s anxiety turned her into a critical person, her insecurities, coupled with her refusal to communicate feelings and her lack of engagement during sex, resulted in marital issues over time.

In the aftermath, something shifted, Eghosa discovered her past childhood sexual abuse created a blurred film in her mind that caused communication barriers with her husband, triggered body-shaming and made her realise she needed to confront her past and the fears driving her behaviour. She finally found the courage to open up to her husband about her trauma, thus began their journey towards healing.

They learned to communicate openly about their feelings, desires, and boundaries.

TO BE CONTINUED!