By Dr. Gbonjubola Abiri

On this Father’s Day, I find myself reflecting on conversations with two fathers I recently met. Both men shared that they had worked tirelessly to provide for their families, put food on the table, ensured their children lacked nothing materially and made countless sacrifices.As

As their children grew older however, they discovered a painful reality: they were far closer to their mothers than to them.
“I gave them everything,” one father said. “But they hardly call me unless they need money.”
His words capture a growing but often unspoken challenge many fathers face.

For years, a father’s role has often been designed as that of a provider and protector. Many men grew up with the notion that love was best expressed through sacrifice, hard work and provision. Children however often interpret love differently. While provision is important, emotional connection is what builds lasting relationships.

The reasons behind this disconnect are often complex and multifactorial.
From a biological perspective, mothers often spend more time with children during their early developmental years, creating strong and lasting attachment bonds. Psychologically, many boys and men are conditioned by society to suppress emotions and avoid vulnerability. As a result, many fathers struggle to express affection, empathy or emotional availability, even when they deeply care.
Social factors such as long work hours, economic pressures, and cultural expectations frequently place fathers in the role of disciplinarian or problem-solver rather than nurturer. Children perceive their fathers as authority figures or providers rather than safe spaces for emotional connection.

Consequently, some fathers reach middle age or retirement only to discover that while they successfully built careers and provided opportunities, they did not intentionally build emotional intimacy with their children.
The good news is that relationships can be repaired. Children, whether young or grown, rarely need perfect fathers. They need present fathers, who listen without immediately correcting, who ask questions about their lives as well as show interest in their thoughts, fears and dreams. They need fathers who can occasionally say, “I was wrong,” “I miss you,” and “I love you.”

Research consistently shows that positive father involvement contributes to better self-esteem, emotional regulation, academic performance and mental health outcomes in children. The impact of an engaged father extends far beyond childhood and often shapes how individuals relate to themselves and others throughout life.

This Father’s Day, perhaps the greatest gift some fathers can give is not another financial sacrifice, but emotional presence. A phone call. A heartfelt conversation. A willingness to know and be known.

While providing for a child’s needs is admirable, connecting with their heart is transformative.
At the end of life, children rarely remember how much was spent on them, they remember how much time was spent with them, as to a child, LOVE is spelled TIME.

Sometimes, the most meaningful inheritance a father can leave is not what is in his bank account or will, but what is in his relationship with his children.

Remember there is no health without mental health.