By Dr. Gbonjubola Abiri

As a young teenager, Kelu was described as troublesome and lazy. Everyone complained! His parents, teachers and classmates. He would refuse to do chores, speak rudely to his parents, refuse to do assignments and pick fights incessantly. Unknown to many, the very foundation of his life, his parents’ marriage was falling apart. He was no visitor to violence at home as he watched them repeatedly take a go at each other. Kelu carried his pain the way most boys usually would, in silence.

One day, after being punished for fighting at school, he was asked to assist the school’s groundskeeper, an elderly man named Mr. Kome. For about four weeks, they worked together after school, discussing football, music, upbringing and life in general. Mr. Kome listened intently, without judgement. He never lectured Kelu or never called him ‘the problem child’. One day, Mr. Kome said to Kelu “Do you realise that you are more than what people know about you?”

In the weeks that followed, Mr. Kome became to Kelu, what psychologists refer to as a “charismatic adult”: a trusted, caring adult who shows genuine interest in a young person’s life and helps them see possibilities beyond their current circumstances. Years down the line, Kelu came to the realisation that that moment was a turning point in his life. While Mr. Kome didn’t solve his life’s difficulties or give him money, suddenly he felt seen, heard and validated.

June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month and this story highlights an important truth: many men and even women can trace their resilience, recovery or success to one person who believed in them. Research shows that having at least one supportive relationship can serve as a instrumental protective factor against substance misuse, hopelessness and violence.

Unfortunately, many boys grow up without such men in their lives as they are taught to be strong, not show emotions and pretend like they have it all together. This eventually results in men who suffer in silence with a strong belief that they must handle their struggles, alone.

Every man needs a charismatic adult and has the potential to become one: be it a teacher, a relative or a neighbour who looks at you and asks: “How are you really doing?” Beyond asking men to speak up, it is important to create enabling environments where someone is willing to listen.

In those seemingly small moments of connection are consequences we may never fully understand. Behind every resilient man, is a charismatic adult, someone who believed, encouraged and showed up. Sometimes, the most important thing you can do for another man, is not to rescue him, but to let him know that he matters.

This June, consider these questions: Who was that person for you? And how might you become that person for someone else?

Remember there is no health without mental health.