People who have never been abused often wonder why a person wouldn’t just leave. They don’t understand that breaking up can be more complicated than it seems.

There are many reasons why both men and women stay in abusive relationships. If you have a friend in an unhealthy relationship, support them by understanding why they may choose to not leave immediately. Here are some reasons why some people remain in abusive relationships.

Fear: Your friend may be afraid of what will happen if she decides to leave the relationship. If your friend has been threatened by her partner, family or friends, she may not feel safe leaving.

Believing Abuse Is Normal: If your friend doesn’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, perhaps from growing up in an environment where abuse was common, she may not recognize that her relationship is unhealthy.

Fear of Being Outed: If your friend is in same-sex relationship and has not yet come open with everyone, her partner may threaten to reveal this secret. Being outed may feel especially scary for young people who are just beginning to explore their sexuality.

Embarrassment: It’s probably hard for your friend to admit that she’s been abused. She may feel she’s done something wrong by becoming involved with an abusive partner. She may also worry that her friends and family will judge her.

Low Self-esteem: If your friend’s partner constantly puts her down and blames her for the abuse, it can be easy for your friend to believe those statements and think that the abuse is her fault.

Love: Your friend may stay in an abusive relationship hoping that her abuser will change. Think about it — if a person you love tells you they’ll change, you want to believe him or her. Your friend may only want the violence to stop, not for the relationship to end entirely.

By Vanessa Eweka