Things to consider before marrying a much older man
Since the wedding news of Nollywood actress, Regina Daniels 20, and her 59-year-old husband, billionaire, Ned Nwoko broke, the internet has been agog with varied comments.
Many wondered why a young girl of Regina’s age would go ahead to become a fifth wife when she is not doing badly in her career as an actress.
It’s not uncommon for a teenager or early 20s to fall for a man in his fifties or sixties, or for a woman in her thirties to date a man in his fifties and sixties.
Examples that readily come to mind are Bianca Ojukwu and Sade Okoya.
Bianca, the winner of the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria 1988 pageant, got married to Biafra leader, the Ikemba of Nnewi, Dim Chukwuemeka Odumegwu Ojukwu as a teenager; and he was 61 twenties; Sade Okoya, who recently celebrated her 20th wedding anniversary, married Chief Razak Okoya, also a billionaire also at 19.
Nowadays, it’s not uncommon to find teenage and early twenties women not being attracted to men their own age, often finding them far too immature or promiscuous.
Marriage is may be interesting but there are things one must give deep thoughts to before going into it.
Here are things to consider before marrying a much older man.
You may need to nurse him one day
You will go from being his romantic partner to his nurse one day. While this happens with all couples, but when your partner is 30 plus years older than you, it can happen so quickly that you almost feel cheated. You may, in fact, spend a quarter or more of the time you have with this person acting as his nurse rather than his lover.
He’ll lose his sex drive far before you
You may spend some of your prime sexual years in a relationship with your vibrator. Again, if you and your partner are only a few years apart in age then you’ll lose your sex drive around the same time. But if you’re in your fifties, as a woman, you’re in your sexual prime years. Meanwhile, if your partner is in his seventies, he’ll have lost most of his drive.
You may have to nurse three people at the same time
If your partner is 30plus years older than you, then he may be very close in age to your parents. That means that he could be elderly and require help at the same time your parents are. Invariably, you’ll not just be busy taking care of one older person, but three. Most people feel that they can barely handle taking care of their elderly parents, let alone a significant other.
You may need to have a live-in nurse
You may find that, rather quickly, a third person moves into your home with your partner—a live-in nurse. It’s either have a nurse or lose your life, your socializing and your freedom. Having a nurse relieves you of some responsibility, but it also means that you and your partner are never really alone again.
He will move into a retirement home before you
If you’re only a few years apart from your partner, you’ll likely happily move into a retirement home with him when the time comes. But with a much older man, he will move into retirement much earlier.
You probably not have him around when your children graduate
If you’re a woman in her twenties, you can have children. But, do you want your partner to be 70-years-old at his child’s high school graduation? And passed away by the time she gets married?
If you do have kids, you’ll do most of the work
If you do manage to have children with a man who is 60 or older, you will end up doing most of the work. A man in his sixties only has a few good years of stamina left in him. After that, you’ll be helping with the homework, driving kids to soccer practice and staying up late to make sure your kids keep to their curfew. Parenting may be quite a lonely experience.
He’ll struggle to bond with your friends’ partners
Ideally, you’d like your partner to hit it off with your friends’ partners—this makes double dates and couples vacations a lot more fun. But a man in his sixties or seventies just may not bond with men in their forties that well. Everybody can make the effort, but in the end, everybody will be making a bit of a sacrifice on double dates and couples vacations.
On the flip side, you’ll have a hard time feeling close to the significant others of your partner’s friends.
He could retire when you’re at the height of your career
A teenager or woman in her thirties and forties is often at the height of her career. This can be when she’s earned the most respect, money, status, and notoriety. This can also be when she has to work the longest hours, take the most meetings and go on the most work trips. Meanwhile, if her partner is in his seventies or eighties he may be retired, leaving him spending his retirement alone.
He may die long before you!
It’s a bleak topic but one that may be discussed: if your partner is 30-something years or more years older than you, then there is a good chance he will pass away before you. He may pass away when you’re still in your forties, leaving you with more prime dating years ahead of you
Nothing will be new to him
Experiencing new things together is an important part of bonding but nothing is really new to your partner who is 25 years older than you. Homeownership? He’s done it. Kids? Done. Marriage? Twice, plus divorces. These things have lost their novelty to your much older man.
Varying political, cultural, social beliefs
There always has been and always will be a great divide in political, cultural and social beliefs between distant generations. A 40-year-old woman today can be of the most liberal school of thinking, while her 65-year-old husband may still think men and women should have separate bathrooms, or even bath separately.
He’ll see your parents as peers
It’s only natural that your partner will feel like your parents were authority figures in his life. That’s how it’s supposed to be. But that just can’t happen when your partner is the same age as your parents. That built-in respect-your-elders dynamic won’t be there, and it could cause some tension.
(Additional report from www.madamenoire.com)