It has been shown over the years that, about 81% of women value sex primarily because it cultivated intimacy with their husband or partner, with or without achieving orgasm.

Pleasure, touch and yes-orgasm were referenced but women care most about fostering connection, and experiencing a deeply intimate moment with their partner.

 Just in case you are a male reading this, know that I’m not advocating against assisting your spouse to climax especially as it comes second to intimacy. It’s gratifying, so why should ladies not have their own share of the fun.

The society and the entertainment industry have focused too long on showcasing love making primarily as penetrative sex, which is a super way for guys to climax but not so for ladies. Anecdotally, a handful of ladies have shared that they indulge in a lot of touching, caressing and kissing before reaching orgasm, so it does not always matter to them as they can feel satisfied because the experience was made good in other ways.

    Reaching orgasm is a tricky thing though you can have fulfilling sex without achieving one. At other times,  whereas other times you can have the best one ever with a little or no effort. If it happens that you hardly achieved it and it does not bother you, then nobody should make you feel as if you have a problem.

     It’s very possible to have great sex without reaching orgasm especially if you do not perceive orgasm as a goal or something to achieve. Replace the word sex with satisfaction by allowing yourself to experience and explore what gives you pleasure.

          Prioritize connection, closeness and communication with your partner. Indulge in a happy, enjoyable relationship and have the kind of sex you have always dreamt of. Do not unintentionally discount orgasms; If you are experiencing orgasms through masturbation with your mate, oral sex, copulation, kissing, smooching, role play or fantasy.

   The orgasms you watched in mainstream media are not like what most couples have, if you experienced what feels good though not earth shattering, it does not necessarily mean it was not orgasm and even if it was not an orgasm, that does not mean it was not meaningful or arousing. It is left for you to decide if you would like to learn more about orgasms or if you are cool the way you are.

  Make peace with yourself that if it is hard for you to have orgasm, you will simply settle for the choice of pleasuring yourself in other ways, rather than putting pressure on yourself to conform or perform. You have the choice to decide what you want sexually, in what order or what you want to add or take away from love making.

 Don’t allow anxieties to cloud your desires over whether you do or don’t get orgasm from overshadowing the pleasure you will get. You are open to experience orgasm when or if it happens.

Communicate your desires to your spouse, listen to what he wants and together, the two of you can work to understand and respect each other’s preferences. Don’t measure yourself by other couple’s sexual standards, judgments or hang-ups; be happy the way you are.

Again, communication is the key word, the value of orgasm and a woman’s ability to regularly have one, varies with each individual.

Orgasms are mind-blowing but, it should not always be the reason for love making, and it does not mean that intercourse without the grand finale is exercise in futility.