Today is Easter Sunday and as you celebrate, take a moment to reflect on what marriage means to you as a co-pilot in your relationship.

Let the spirit of the Easter season breathe a new life and hope into your union and your intimacy bond will be stronger.

Every relationship especially in marriage faces hiccups. Does your lover lie to you, is your partner cheating, abusive both emotional and physical from time to time thereby leaving you feeling distressed and unhappy?

This brings us to the question; how do you forgive a spouse who has hurt you?
Easter season comes with forgiveness which is a compulsory ingredient in matrimony.Getting hurt by a loved one can be very painful, “betrayal from the one you trust and love can cut so deep; yet, no marriage is immune as some of the deepest hurt will come from your spouse but one’s response should be that of forgiveness, if the marriage is to survive.”

This means that the attitude with which you get into marriage actually matters since, it will come in handy in maneuvering the tides that lie ahead. That way, even if they do something that seems to rip your heart open, you can always forgive even though it’s not always going to be a smooth ride.

Most couples never thought or imagine hurting their significant other but they do. “It could be that nagging habit that has become part of you or words spewed during a bitter argument. Either way, those times will happen.”

As if that’s not enough, family/friends/strangers alike will make a mockery of you, and will remind you of the days you helped other lovers to save their affairs and demand you do the needful in your marriage.

Here’s the trouble with marriage- If you’re lucky, it sticks for life. Do you know how many times you have to say sorry to the same person in order to stay connected over a lifetime?
The simple truth is that overtime, those ‘sorries’ become harder to say and even harder to accept.

Couples brush off these words of reconciliation because it sounds like a broken record since there’s already a default posture taken by you that your spouse will make the same mistake again.

Resentment begins to build, hardening the space between the two of you.

Forgiveness is a powerful tool for keeping the love alive in marriages. Forgiveness is one of the sacrifices and it is not just a matter of overlooking their actions, but rather genuinely forgiving and allowing healing to take place.

There is a need for partners to re-evaluate how they treat their spouses- Some of the small habits that hurt your spouse cause pain, anger, bitterness, resentment which over time, kills the love and destroys the marriage. Below are some necessary steps that can help make Easter forgiveness achievable.

• You can always do better by them- Put yourself in his/her shoes if we are to keep the love fires burning in your home. That is where kindness, tender-heartedness and forgiveness come in, to re-ignite dead relationships.

• Forgive your partner- Do this for yourself when you have been hurt, wanting to hurt them back will be giving rise to even more complications.

You have to forgive for your own sake, peace of mind and mental health rather than for the sake of your lovebird. The more grudges you hold against your mate regarding their mistakes, the more mental stress you will be setting yourself up for. Forgive for yourself because you don’t deserve the negative energy that comes with unforgiveness at Easter.

• Re-evaluation of the incident is very vital to the point where a resolution can be achieved. Perhaps, it’s a deep rooted issue which you don’t like about yourself but has been mirrored before you in the shape of your bae/boo misbehaviour; you will have to analyze the reason why your significant other did hurt you to enable you to truly forgive him or her.

• Acceptance of each other’s shortcomings- When in a committed relationship with a partner you happen to know some of the behaviours they possess already, you get more accustomed to how he or she may behave in different situations and the initial fights and arguments in a long term affairs can reveal the other spouse’s overall nature and attitude towards dealing with issues. If these behaviours do not change and keep coming up, just ignore them to avoid more fights. Refuse to be easily annoyed, forgive and move on with life.

• Never go to bed angry- some couples think that after getting into a fight with a loved one who has hurt them, the best thing is to sleep it off which is not always the best. On the contrary, you’re still going to be moody or angrier when you wake up the next day. Nothing is better than talking about the matter there and then, this gives you two the chance to see the situation with more clarity. Try this when next you are caught up in a similar circumstance. It will lead to a quick resolution of the matter.

• Don’t rush into forgiving- Be patient with the process and allow yourself to feel the emotions of being hurt. Never force yourself into forgiving your spouse just to feel good, allow forgiveness to happen naturally at its own time. Jumping to forgive without actually letting yourself fully comprehend and accept the situation can lead to bigger issues as repressed emotions and feelings can eventually give way at a wrong time.

• Own your emotions- Your feelings are your own, it’s in your hands to allow how much a situation discomforts you. The better control you have on your anger, the easier it becomes for you to feel better and eventually forgive your partner for their mistakes.

Forgiving your partner for their mistakes does not mean that you forget what they did neither is it about vengeance or winning against your partner.
The above mentioned steps will not only benefit your union but can also prove to be good for your own mental and physical health.

Forgiveness allows one to respond with kindness even when your spouse may not deserve it, but one partner can choose to be gracious in tense circumstances.
The longevity of marital bliss is the chance to practice forgiveness, show kindness and tenderness.
Spouses may not always get it right but the key is to keep showing up for another day together.
Apologies will never stop being needed in a committed union, so don’t get discouraged or stop apologizing because you think your words are of no effect.
Marriage really requires a million apologies and a million and one time to forgive, it’s the first step towards healing a broken marriage.

PRO Tip: Marriage is God’s greatest gift to humans- The joining of two imperfect people, one has to keep working at it as we are all work in progress!

HAPPY EASTER SUNDAY!