How to free yourself Sexually
In celebration of Independence, it will be interesting to reflect about all the freedoms that are available to you, that some people may not be entitle to, and how it is related to this idea of Independence.
Despite being blessed with freedom in many ways, sexual freedom is still quite elusive irrespective of recent attention.
Sexual co-dependency is crippling in and a number of partners suffer this condition without realizing it.
According to Dr. Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT at Psych Central; Co-dependency describes a situation where a person is in a dysfunctional, one-sided relationship, where he or she relies on the other for meeting nearly all of their emotional and self esteem needs. It also describes a relationship that allows one partner to maintain his/her irresponsible addictive or under-achieving behaviour.
Most times, co-dependency seems to over – function in relationships with others, and under – function in their relationship with themselves.
Hence, co-dependents often neglect their own sexual pleasure and rely solely on their spouses for sexual gratification. This, Researchers studying habits of co-dependence says could get worse if left untreated.
Whereas on the other hand, sexual Independence does not just mean copulating with anyone and everyone if that’s your decision. ‘’Sexual Independence comes in many forms. Choosing not to have sex for whatever reason-is also a way to exercise your sexual freedom’’.
Actually, sexual freedom means having confidence in your sexuality and your sensual self, while freeing yourself from the opinions of others, and living according to your own standards and paving your own path to sexual freedom.
You don’t to be co-dependent. You can be in a healthy relationship where two independent people decide to share their lives and build a relationship together. Here are some ways to be independent in a romantic relationship.
To be emotionally connected to your lovebird is a powerful feeling; it means there is intimacy in your relationship as you can freely share your opinion without fear. Loving and caring about another person, can sometimes be overwhelming. According to experts, it’s important to know when being caring is becoming suffocating. ‘’An emotionally suffocating relationship is one in which one or both people do not feel they have the freedom to be authentic selves,’’ says Rebecca Ogle, LCSW, psychotherapist and relationship expert. ‘’ Perhaps one or both partners is critical, overprotective, jealous, and/ or has rigid beliefs and thinking’’
Be very expressive when in an emotionally suffocating affair. You may feel like your boundaries are not being respected. For instance, a spouse does not need to stay in constant communication throughout the day while the other does and they can feel like their needs are not being respected. ‘’ One of the most important things to do to fix the experience of emotional suffocation is to express your feelings openly to the person you feel is violating your boundaries’’ according to Kelsey M. Latimer, PHD, CEDS-S, a psychologist who specializes in relationships. Because if they are not aware they are being suffocating, chances are that they won’t do anything about it. Also, it can even become a bigger issue if they are aware of your needs and are not listening.
Learn to take small decisions on your own, ‘’ over-policing and over- controlling can be symptoms of a blurred boundary style called enmeshment’’ says Christine Scott-Hudson, licensed psychotherapist. ‘’Enmeshment generally develops slowly over time and does not typically turn into conflict until one partner wishes to make a decision in which the other partner does not approve’’. If this is your case, then begin to set small limits by making small, daily choices without consulting your guy/lady. This way, you can start to gain some of your independence back.
Give your spouse space to do his/her own without cross examining he/her. If in the controller role, then practice allowing your partner to make independent decisions without thinking that he/she would abandon you.
‘’In fact, allowing them the space and room to grow, may help your partner feel more comfortable, safe and free within your partnership’’ as healthy friendships give couples the space to grow on their own while remaining part of the solid team.
Practice self care especially if you want to create a healthier dynamics in your union. ‘’Boundaries in relationships are often directly linked to self-esteem.
The partner who is clingy and possessive, often times is a person who is struggling with low self-worth’’. This is according to Penelope Lynne Gordon, a relationship expert and women’s empowerment coach. It is very vital to spend some time each day doing stuffs for yourself.
Try and reinforce the importance of trust and faith in your partnership. It is really a great feeling to show your significant other that you can trust them, and that you have faith that the affair will sail. This you can do by talking about old baggage or being open about your past, with your mate doing likewise. If this is not working, then it is time to see a professional therapist.