Knowing how to have a healthy talk about sex
Couples often have difficulty talking about sex; this can be as a result of shame, fear of rejection, embarrassment, feeling like it’s important, or not knowing how to have a healthy talk about sex.
Even though we’ve always known that communication is the key to opening doors, it’s also a lubrication for relationships.
The truth is that, once the communication lines get opened up and applied correctly, things get so much smoother and with less friction.
For a long while now, men and men were taught and made to believe that conversations about pleasure, desire, sexual issues, fantasies for instance were naughty or shameful.
That made our language and verbal communication skills as it relates to sex stunted. When asked about their likes, how they prefer to be touched, whether kissing fun for them, their favourite sexual position, all you get is a blocked bridge. squeamish response such as: “I don’t know…”
For people that have no qualms in talking about what kind of cake, ice cream flavours that they like, if they prefer a soft or a firm pillow, their favourite colour etc but when it has to do with love making, they will just switch off from communicating what it is that they like and don’t like. This is a sex killer!
Telling your partner “touch me here,” “do not touch me there,” “softer,” “harder” will make the process exquisitely pleasurable if you are able to communicate your wants to your lover. This can take the form of a loud moan when you get touched on your sensitive spots, or you can put his/her hand on where you want touched.
Except your spouse is a nut case, communication is the password; your lubricant.
It is not always talk about pleasure that needs navigation when it comes to sexual intimacy, sex safety is also very vital since it is not an act that happens organically.
Issues such as such as who’s bringing the condoms, do l need to be worried about getting STI, etc. has to be talked over.
Although these are uncomfortable questions to ask and you might be scared of the response, but being ignorant is not going to help anyone especially when it means transmitting/ getting infected with STDs or getting pregnant.
Moreover, it’s not easy to get lost in sexual passion if there’s nagging un-asked questions at the back of their minds.
Respecting yourself enough to know that your own safety and pleasure trumps any momentary awkwardness, will make you look for the right time and moment to express yourself. It might be an awkward pause the first time you decide to start a conversation with your significant other, but once you have taken that first step, every other thing will be unrolled and you will be able to sigh with relief that you were bold enough to take the bull by the horn.
The more you talk about sex with your lover, the easier it gets.
Practice they say makes perfect so, practise having regular conversations at least once a week when you are just starting.
As you become more comfortable with the partner, you can begin to discuss topics that are a little more conflicting. It is a true way of breaking down barriers, melting away anger and creating intimacy in conversation.
It’s fundamental to know that opening up these communication lines is a foreplay all of its own – the more we can talk and connect, the more you will be more open to be wet/aroused, thus experiencing desire with your lovebird, so lube it up!