Easy ways to negotiate sex in marriage (2)
Continued From Previous Week
*Talk about what you are willing to indulge in – Having expressed your likes and dislikes, talk about what you’re willing to do simply because him/her enjoys it. Doing this makes sexual activity more interesting and enjoyable also for you.
Talk about those things you are interested in trying, and note that there’s a difference between what you’re willing to do and what you’re willing to try, under the right setting.
Whatever sexual act you’re uncomfortable with, worried or not sure about, talk about such activity including what it will take to get you to give it a try.
No pressure – Be comfortable saying no as there are undoubtedly going to be stuff you and your spouse may not want to engage in. Although some things will never be on the table, others may change over a period of time.
Determine the frequency of your sex life- One of the biggest disconnects couples often face, is how regularly they copulate; one person may seem ready all the time while it can take longer time for the other mate. You can actually create a schedule if it’s something you’re willing to stick to, or you both can settle for a spontaneous love making.
Be specific about your desires- Knowing how you want to feel, the kinds of sexual, erotic or intimate activities that bring you those feelings, is a great place to start the talk with your man/woman. How you like to feel or be touched and how to create experiences that will entwine the things you would both like to feel, are a good place to start from.
The options are truly endless but it’s essential that before entering into any alternative arrangement, everything is on the table for discussion and should be talked about, consented to, and agreed by all parties involved.
Exploring what turns you on during negotiation can help open new levels of intimacy and sexual intensity. Remember that open communication and mutual respect are essential ingredients in this case.
One of the most powerful ways to negotiate is by expressing some sexual acts you’ve fantasized about with your spouse by using safe words. You can use the traffic light to express your thoughts about intercourse. The red, yellow or green signals system is a common easy method that can be used easily.
Green – Keep moving, ‘let’s try that one soon’.
Yellow – slow down, though intrigued, but can’t guarantee I’ll like it.
Red – No. Stop. I will jump this.
Sexual tasting menu – You and your lovebird can use this method as a sexual framework for discussing what you would like to explore and experiment with together; for instance, what you may want for appetizers- first course, second course, third course, and lastly the desserts. So, any time you want some fun time, communicate what you both may prefer putting on the tasting menu.
Options are readily available, it is important before entering any kind of arrangement that you’re sure everything is on the table for discussion, talked about, consented to, and agreed to by you and your spouse.
Negotiate lovemaking the same way you negotiate other issues in your relationship. And if it happened that the above ways don’t work for you, do see a Sex therapist/coach!