By Dr. Gbonjubola Abiri

About 2 weeks ago, I sat down with a dear couple who are both friends of mine. A significant part of my visit to them was listening to a detailed conversation about their 15 year journey with infertility. Today, they have a son and have shared their experience in a book titled: Navigating the Wait by Faith and Science.

Infertility is defined as the failure of a couple to conceive after 12 months of regular and unprotected intercourse. While a lot of people believe that the failure to attain conception is more often due to a challenge with the woman, medical science tells us that the male partner also plays a role. Infertility impacts 1 in 8 couples and beyond being a medical condition, it is often an emotional rollercoaster for the couple.

The couple suffers as infertility will test their love, their bond and their commitments to each other. Interestingly, for a condition which is quite common, it is not surprising to see that few people openly share about their experiences even as many endure. The issues couples grapple with include the inability to conceive, the unending medical interventions, the miscarriages and the grief of the entire process.

The psychological burden of infertility sees the couple struggle. Women are reported to experience more mental health challenges such as anxiety, depression, psychological distress, grief, shame, a sense of inadequacy and profound identity loss. Many couples are stigmatised as they fall under the weight of sociocultural expectations. Women may be described as ‘not bearing fruit’ or perceived as worthless. This stigma erodes mental health, increasing risk for stigma, isolation , depression and rejection.

It is noteworthy that not everyone who experiences infertility suffers from the emotional toll. Factors such as being educated, employed, strong social support, spiritual well-being and being resilient have been reported to be protective. Regardless however, whether we are personally walking this path, supporting someone who is, either as a family member or professional, it is important to reassure them that:

• Infertility isn’t weakness or a personal failure.
• Emotional responses such as occasional sadness, crying, poor sleep, feeling lonely and isolated can be entirely normal
• There will be times when you just want to be alone, by yourself.
• Seeking professional mental health care when you feel overwhelmed will help you on your journey to cope effectively.
  Infertility can be a journey of hope, heartbreak, and healing. In sharing our stories however, we can break the silence, dissolve the shame and find strength together.

Remember, there is no health without mental health.