By Adesuwa Ewoigbokhan

Sex on its own cannot be the foundation of a marriage. There is no doubt that when all is good, lovemaking can be a powerful tool that joins a couple together and strengthens the marriage. In this regard, one can say that sex is worth fighting for.

Sex therefore,  should be mutual. In wedlock,  a couple should both settle for reciprocally satisfying sex that gives contentment  and intimacy.  This could be a regular and fun activity to engage in especially as both desire it. Note however,  that the man is not a sex bull. God in His wisdom, made lovemaking wonderful but  different for the man and woman. However,  God wants it to be mutual for both parties. Imposing your desire on the other OS not the idea.

A woman should copulate as passionately  and as regularly as she can. On the other hand, the man should love and respect his wife when she is unable to give in. Couples who desire true intimacy in marriage, should learn how to give and take in every area, as it is not all about getting every physical need met, but learning to adore and feel closeness.

A man should step up hIs game, and appreciate his wife.  This means being patient when she is feeling plainly unsexy, very tired , sick and not in the mood – assuming these are temporary  limitations. Women,  if you don’t want to make love during your menstruation period  just be extra flirty and explore more, learn to  communicate  frequently. This  will  help in connecting  emotionally, spiritually and physically so that by the time you are done, you and your man will be ready for some fun.

God does not see sex as a taboo. It was part of his original plan for man hence,  he created them male and female and with that, marriage was instituted so that the two will become  “one flesh” [Genesis 2:24]. How come it seems so difficult for a number of couples to achieve mutual satisfaction in this  aspect of  marriage?  This might not be unconnected with the un practicable expectations displayed  by movies, magazines and romantic  novels.

If you care to have  a  sound romantic sex life, be great friends with your spouse, have time for each other. Show love to one another, communicate,  be  dedicated  and have fun with each other. If  the  above is done, the sexual intimacy  will be present.  Sex will not be sizzling if the relationship is not healthy.

It is not easy to achieve sexual mutuality in marriage if both partners are carrying loads of feelings and  beliefs  into  bed with them. This could be childhood sexual abuse, promiscuity, pornography etc. These kinds of unsettled matters, can be a hindrance to  growing  the kind of intimacy couples desire to experience with one another.
Abstaining from sex before marriage is actually the best foundation for great sex in Wedlock. This,  is because,  the freer you enter into marriage, the better and greater your sexual relationship is going to be; as there will be no ghost from the past to hunt your intimacy.

If you belong to the class of those with negative attitude, rewind and remember that sex was God’s idea in the first place. Genesis 2, has this to say that a man will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and the two shall become one. A lot of times, couples come into their matrimonial bed with contradictory beliefs  from their past, families and even religious teachings are not left out. Lovemaking when done within God’s guide line, is a powerful and satisfying fulfillment because God created it to be.
Take advantage of excellent communication to handle your differences. For an environment where sexual information is so pervasive, one would have thought we would all have knowledge of what is expected of us.  Unfortunately,  that seems not to be the case.

Usually, men and women approach sex differently. Men’s angle is through the sexual door ,  a whole lot different from  women  who want to be emotionally close to their man  before they can comfortably enter into sexual intimacy. If this is absent, it will be difficult for her to indulge wholeheartedly in the physicaL.  Know this difference and work on it.

Sex in marriage should be mutual if it is one sided, couple will never achieve intimacy as it could produce resentment. Istead,  they should be willing to move towards mutuality in sex. You being a good lover does not have anything to do  with  what  you need but your ability to see sex from your partner’s  view point, work to understand and meet those needs. You will see fireworks if both  partners view copulation as an opportunity to serve and fill each other’s needs.

If you decide to do away with norms  and  genuinely  engage in your sexual desires, you will eventually find the balance suitable between self interest and generous self giving. In  the process, you  reclaim the matrimonial bed as a good gift rather than a burdensome obligation.