Dear Adesuwa,
Why is it very hard to get into a relationship?
Bayo, Lagos

Hello Bayo,
It’s quite easy for some people to fall in love but so for others; and if you happen to be in the latter group, and wondering the reason it’s so hard to get into a relationship, just know you’re not alone on this journey. Many singles have yet to find love.
There are multiple reasons for this. You would’ve been told, that “Love happens when you least expect it,” which implies that the right person will come to you when you stop looking. Not true! Love is oftentimes something you need to actively pursue, finding it can be difficult. If you don’t look for a quality relationship, you won’t find it. You will end with what’s available or nothing at all.
Make dating and opening yourself to new connections a priority. This will allow you to find love but, if after doing this you still can’t find that special someone, here are some potential reasons why you’re not getting what you want.

You’re Afraid of Committing – Labels can terrify some people but for others, the uncertainty of where the relationship stands is also scary.
Recognise that fear to get over it.

Possible you’re not ready to settle down
While you might like the idea of getting into a relationship, it requires a lot of time and effort. Some people aren’t necessarily willing to put in the effort, and if you find yourself wanting out every time things get serious, then you’re likely one of those people. It may be a passing phase.

Overly Picky – When someone is overly picky, they tend to operate from a place of fear.

Been hurt before/went through a brutal breakup/have been burned by a crush: you may be so afraid of having your feelings hurt that you don’t want to put yourself out there at all.

Feeling pressure from family because all your friends are in relationships.

Relationship is not a test, or a race, to see how fast you can find a new love; you can go on a dating hiatus, and focus on yourself. And you can stop dating for a while, to strategize.

Might be chasing the wrong type of people. People often fall into self-sabotaging patterns or attract the wrong type of person without even realizing it.

Finally, there is no one right answer that fits all. While it may be hard to get into a relationship, if you feel like you’re putting yourself out there with no success, then it’s time to look within or see a professional.

Dear Adesuwa,
How can l have a cucumber-like-shaped penis?
Alex, Abuja

Hello Alex,
Your manhood can be large with one partner and smaller with another; it all depends on the size of your lover’s body.
Also, what you do and how you use your Mr. P is what counts, not the size of it. There are some suitable sex styles for your kind of Mr. P, which enable you to give as much pleasure as possible to your babe.
Be proud of what you have and focus on making it work well.
If you’re unsatisfied with your penile length and girth, see your doctor if you consider enlargement surgery, which is not recommended unless in extreme cases of micropenis or other functional issues.
For a guy with a normal penis, the risk is enormous; this can be complicated, ineffective, and can cause real harm to men.

Dear Adesuwa,
I’m a big fan who loves reading your column on Sunday Vanguard.
I’m married with children but l don’t like using condoms for sex, same with my wife, and l don’t want more children.
So what can we do to prevent unwanted pregnancy?
Frank, Lagos.

Hello Frank,
Look for the best time to have sex and for natural birth control methods – Do you want to know what your options are?

• Fertility awareness methods of birth control involve your wife keeping track of her monthly menstrual cycle @ ovulation: this method is based on her own body without medication. It’s free and safe and can be quite effective if done the right way but it’s not always easy to do.
  The whole essence is to predict the days of the month she is most likely to conceive, which would most likely be around the time she ovulates, so she has to skip from lovemaking on such days.
  With a regular cycle, the possibility of getting pregnant is five percent but it could be as high as 24 percent if the method is not perfectly used, or if her periods happen to be irregular.
• Withdrawal method – This means pulling your manhood out of her vagina before ejaculating.
  It is another way to avoid unwanted pregnancy, by not allowing sperm to meet an egg.
  This is not as easy as it sounds as the man needs a lot of self-control to time it right and there is a 22 percent possibility of her getting pregnant with this method.
  Because if you are caught in the moment and don’t pull out on time or even if you succeed in pulling out on time, there’s a pre-ejaculation fluid that is discharged from the penis and it contains a small amount of sperm and this could cause conception.
• Try settling for Outercourse sex – An alternative to penetrative sex during the periods she’s not safe or ovulating as there are a lot of other sexual experiences that you and your wife can satisfactorily benefit from since it doesn’t involve vaginal sex.

On a final note, talk to your doctor if you are worried that the above might not work for you.

Dear Adesuwa,

Is it normal for my vagina to be very wet during love making?

My husband is complaining especially as his manhood keeps slipping out.

What can l do to stop him slipping out?

Bimpe, Lagos

Dear Bimpe,

There’s no medical diagnosis for a vagina being too wet during intercourse.

Vaginal wetness is extremely important for pleasurable, nonpainful lovemaking. However, if your vagina is producing too much fluid at nonsexual times, it can be a sign of an infection.

One of the reasons he slips out can be as a result of losing an erection, especially if he stays at the tip of the vagina when the lady is having an orgasm.

There’s a scientific explanation: it’s just normal for the shaft of the penis to slide out because of the lubrication, the thrusting action, and even how you and your man move.

How your body moves, what feels good and what doesn’t, and change in position or change in rhythm, can certainly cause slipping out. So, go easy on the lube. Too much of it and thrusting fast can make it difficult to stay inside.

Here’s how to stop the slipping– Let him use shallow thrust movements, this makes it less possible to slip out.

And if you see that he’s always slipping out during the missionary position, then try different positions and find that one style that makes both of you more comfortable.

Most times, angles, positions, and even thrusts, can make slipping possible; so, utilize your pillows to get the perfect angle before you engage.

It’s like you’re endowed with natural juices, don’t be afraid to wipe some off so the wetness can be minimized, and do not be afraid to talk about this.

The best way to have better sex is to be open with one another, feel free to try out different positions and methods of pleasure. Never limit yourself to just one position when you know that it minimizes slipping accidents.

Try other positions and you’ll see just how many options you can choose from.

Get to know your body and that of your guy to enable both of you to have a healthy, pleasurable, and fulfilling sex life.